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TPO 18 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The students are more influenced by the teachers than by their friends. v.1

TPO 18 – task 2: The students are more influenced by the teachers than by their friends. v. 1
Nowadays, spending time overseas has become more and more popular. In fact, taking a year out to live or study has been increasingly a controversial topic in society. Indeed, there are both pros and cons regarding this matter/related to this, which I will be discussing in this essay. First of all, the most beneficial thing about overseas growth is it could broaden your horizons. For instance, when people travel abroad, they will have the opportunity to learn many things and meet and communicate with different kinds of people with various cultural backgrounds. They try to cope with foreign customs and traditions that can make them to be more rounded people. Secondly, working abroad is an effective experience for personal skill development. These higher levels of skills can help us deal with some work-related problems easily as well as for our promotion. Furthermore, with the high demand in society, most people face high pressure from work and activity. With the different kind of environment, these people can experience ways on how to achieve work-soul balance. In addition, this could help them to have a better quality of growth. On the other hand, there is no doubt that living in another country also has some shortcomings. Firstly, for instance, when some youth chooses to make academic education in universities in foreign countries, they would start a new heart from scratch under many cultural differences. Most of them feel hard at the start. Moreover, due to the huge language barrier, people tend to have a sense of isolation when they communicate with foreigners. Lack of social activity leads people to feel depressed and homesick. These problems are common to people who stay abroad. In conclusion, I think it is a bit of a challenge for most people who take a year abroad mainly because of the huge cultural differences. To ensure that we get higher benefits from it, we must make sufficient preparations before we go abroad.
Nowadays, spending time overseas has become more and more popular. In fact, taking a year out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or study has been
increasingly
a controversial topic in society.
Indeed
, there are both pros and cons regarding this matter/related to this, which I will be discussing in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most beneficial thing about overseas growth is it could broaden your horizons.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they will have the opportunity to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various cultural backgrounds. They try to cope with foreign customs and traditions that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to be more rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is an effective experience for personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development. These higher levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work-related problems
easily
as well
as for our promotion.
Furthermore
, with the high demand in society, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face high pressure from work and activity. With the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of environment, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can experience ways on how to achieve work-soul balance.
In addition
, this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have a better quality of growth.

On the other hand
, there is no doubt that living in another country
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shortcomings.
Firstly
,
for instance
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youth chooses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
academic education in universities in foreign countries, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new heart from scratch under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultural differences. Most of them feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
Moreover
, due to the huge language barrier,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have a sense of isolation when they communicate with foreigners. Lack of social activity leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel depressed and homesick. These problems are common to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who stay abroad.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a bit of a challenge for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take a year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge cultural differences. To ensure that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher benefits from it, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sufficient preparations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay TPO 18 – task 2: The students are more influenced by the teachers than by their friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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