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Some people believe that young people should spend more time at home and less time outside the home, others disagree, discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that young people should spend more time at home and less time outside the home, others disagree, v. 2
Whether the youngsters should spend most of their time at home or outside the house has been a cause of concern to patents. Some child' s advocates are against the ides of juvenile spending a lot of time at home, while others are supporting this view that young children should spend more of their time at home. I agree with the later opinion, as this essay will discuss good behavior as one of the benefits children form when they spend most time at home. On the one hand, adolescents often time desire to be free from parental guidance in terms of what they do outside home. Many engaged with peers in social vices, which in turns have affected their moral behaviours. To illustrate, my cousin Daniel, a 12year old boy, prefers hanging out with friends whenever his parents are not around. This has made him to develop carefree attitude towards his studies. Consequently, it has affected his performance in school. Had it been Daniel spend most of his time at home studying even when the parents are away, he would have come out with good grades at school. On the other hand, when a growing child spends most of his time at home, he is most likely to be well mannered because he will be taught on having good behavior and not only that but also learn to follow rules. This will propel the child to being a better person in future. For instance, I was taught by my parents during my early life to always be in the house. Initially it was boring, because i wanted to play with friends. I later learned how to cook and assist my mother with house chores. Today even as an adult, cooking is one of my hobbies. This has made me a better person, in that i do help my wife with domestic works, whenever she is occupied with official duties. In conclusion, although few people are against the idea of teenagers spending their time at home, many persons including myself have benefitted from being made as a child to spend more time in the home.
Whether the youngsters should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home or outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has been a cause of concern to patents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s advocates are against the ides of juvenile spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, while others are supporting this view that young children should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later opinion, as this essay will discuss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior as one of the benefits children form when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

On the one hand, adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
desire to be free from parental guidance in terms of what they do outside home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
engaged with peers in social vices, which in turns have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. To illustrate, my cousin Daniel, a 12year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, prefers hanging out with friends whenever his parents are not around. This has made him to develop carefree attitude towards his studies.
Consequently
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
his performance in school. Had it been Daniel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home studying even when the parents are away, he would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades at school.

On the other hand
, when a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, he is most likely to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he will
be taught
on having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
learn to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. This will propel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to being a better person
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For instance
, I
was taught
by my parents during my early life to always be in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Initially
it was boring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
wanted to play with friends. I later learned how to cook and assist my mother with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
even as an adult, cooking is one of my hobbies. This has made me a better person, in that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my wife with domestic works, whenever she
is occupied
with official duties.

In conclusion
, although few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons including myself have
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from
being made
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the home.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people should spend more time at home and less time outside the home, others disagree, v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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