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Young people are getting more influenced by friends than parents or teachers Do you agree or disagree v.1

Young people are getting more influenced by friends than parents or teachers v. 1
In today's modern world, youths are tempted to explore some illegal drugs at an early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of the society who set a bad example are responsible for this. The main causes for drug abuse is peer pressure and lack of awareness which might result in contacting some deadly diseases like HIV and hepatitis B. This can be resolved by motivating the youth against consuming these illegal drugs. Firstly, youth today are unaware of the consequences of drug abuse, which can result in contacting some life threatening diseases. In addition, due to peer pressure they get tempted towards these illegal substances. Moreover, they use common syringes to inject these drugs, resulting in contacting HIV and hepatitis B. For instance, recent studies conducted at Stanford University reveal that there is an increase in the number of HIV and Hepatitis cases among the drug users. Therefore, youth must be made aware of the detrimental effects of these drugs. Secondly, parents need to discuss and spend some time with these adolescents. They must become friendly with them, encourage them to interact freely about their problems. Parents and other family members must help these teenagers to overcome peer pressure problems with respect to drug abuse. Hence, by spreading awareness about the consequences of drug abuse one can curb this issue. In conclusion, today's youths are negligent about the impact of drug abuse on their health and also because of bad company they fall in this trap. Ultimately, parents and friends together must interact and discuss with these youths.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world, youths
are tempted
to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
at an early age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sociologists claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and other members of the society who set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example are responsible for this. The main causes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
is peer pressure and lack of awareness which might result in contacting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deadly diseases like HIV and hepatitis B. This can
be resolved
by motivating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
against consuming these illegal drugs.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are unaware of the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
, which can result in contacting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life threatening diseases.
In addition
, due to peer pressure they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tempted towards these illegal substances.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
common syringes to inject these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, resulting in contacting HIV and hepatitis B.
For instance
, recent studies conducted at Stanford University reveal that there is an increase in the number of HIV and Hepatitis cases among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
users.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
aware of the detrimental effects of these drugs.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to discuss and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with these adolescents. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
become friendly with them, encourage them to interact
freely
about their problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and other family members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to overcome peer pressure problems with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
.
Hence
, by spreading awareness about the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
one can curb this issue.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youths are negligent about the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
on their health and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they fall in this trap.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and friends together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
interact and discuss with these youths.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are getting more influenced by friends than parents or teachers v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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