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TPO21 – Independent: A/D? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. v.1

TPO21 – Independent: A/D? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 1
As a part of globalisation, English has become the most widely spoken language around the world. Although the drawbacks do exist, the benefits are countless. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this trend have more significance than its demerits and this will continue in the coming years. To begin with, one of the main advantages of having one global language is that it will reduce the gap between the countries as there is no communication barrier. As a result, international trades such as the importing and exporting of goods will increase and benefit the growth of economies around the globe. Furthermore, English helps people to travel around the world without experiencing any difficulties. Many tourists find it hard to communicate to the native people for their simple needs such as asking directions, ordering food and so forth. These issues will be solved if there is only one expression. Finally, English provides a solid foundation for people seeking quality education in developed countries. It is the only medium of teaching instruction in the world’s top universities; an active command of the language secures an admission to a university. I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that due to the increasing use of the English language, many local languages are getting less priority and thus impacting the cultural identity of many nations. Then, there would be no cultural diversity. One of the main reasons that attract tourists to other countries is that their cultural differences. If every country has the same culture, there is no meaning in visiting other places. However, in my opinion, this problem can be solved to a great extent by ensuring proper local words emphasis and training. In conclusion, in spite of negative sides, having a single global language brings many benefits such as the growth of international business and economy. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend far outweigh its disadvantages.
As a part of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, English has become the most
widely
spoken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
around the world. Although the drawbacks do exist, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are countless.
Personally
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of this trend have more significance than its demerits and this will continue in the coming years.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the main advantages of having one global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as there is no communication barrier.
As a result
, international trades such as the importing and exporting of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will increase and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
the growth of economies around the globe.
Furthermore
, English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel around the world without experiencing any difficulties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
tourists find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to communicate to the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their simple needs such as asking directions, ordering food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. These issues will
be solved
if there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one expression.
Finally
, English provides a solid foundation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeking quality education in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
medium of teaching instruction in the world’s top universities; an active command of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
secures an admission to a university.

I do appreciate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, saying that due to the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are getting less priority and
thus
impacting the cultural identity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. Then, there would be no cultural diversity. One of the main reasons that attract tourists to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is that their cultural differences. If every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has the same culture, there is no meaning in visiting other places.
However
, in my opinion, this problem can
be solved
to a great extent by ensuring proper local words emphasis and training.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides, having a single global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
such as the growth of international business and economy. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend far outweigh its disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO21 – Independent: A/D? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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