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Young adults prefer mostly to spend time with friends. However, there are some who prefer to spend time with their families. Which one do you prefer? Use specific details to support your idea. v.1

Young adults prefer mostly to spend time with friends. However, there are some who prefer to spend time with their families. Which one do you prefer? Use specific details to support your idea. v. 1
Spending time with family members or friends is an issue which almost related to several factors such as personality, family member' s familiarity, the purpose of spending time, etc. Although it would be better to spend our time equally with both of them, personally, I prefer to have more time with my friends rather that my family for three reasons. First, I can choose my friends but family members are something obligatory. All of have friends whose are similar to us in many perspectives. We have a lot of common interests with our friends which can share with them. To illustrate, I am movie lover and like to be friend with persons that like movies too. But in my family, my sister believes that watching to movies in time-consuming and my father is very busy to spend his time on entertainment and my mother prefer to watch Modern Family series and Entertainment Tonight! So, as I am spend a lot of my free time on cinemas, I have to be my friends instead of my family. To sum up, I think I don' t have many common interests with my family members. Second, I am a kind of person that like to have information about many things. So, I prefer to have communication with people whom are specialist in a certain field. For instance, I have a friends that studied neurology, computer science, sociology, economics, physics, and pharmacy. So, since my family members have limited knowledge, I have to spend most of my time with people that can discuss with them about these fields. In contrast, when I want to talk about marketing and literature, my family is the best place to spend time. Last but not least, spending time with my friends is funnier than spending time with my family. Indeed, the generation gap between my parents and me is a big problem. They are old and prefer to be in calm places and they doctor avoided them from exciting hobbies. Actually, I hate quiet place and I need to be in busy and noisy areas. But, I like to go hiking, rock metal concerts, drift rallies and other exciting events. So, I think it is better to not bring my family members to such places because those are dangerous for them. In conclusion, spending time with my friends have a lot of advantages for me. I can learn, share my ideas with them and have fun. But, I don' t say that we should completely cut our relationship with our family. Even, I believe that we must care about their life too. But it doesn' t mean that we should always stick to them. In fact, we can fill this gap in some ways. For example, we can cook, listen to their diaries, and tell each other funny stories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is an issue which almost related to several factors such as personality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Possible spelling mistake found.
member&
#039; s familiarity, the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, etc. Although it would be better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
equally
with both of them,
personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
rather
that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for three reasons.

First
, I can choose my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are something obligatory. All of have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
whose are similar to us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
perspectives. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
common interests with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
which can share with them. To illustrate, I am movie lover and like to be
Consider using a past participle here: "friended".
friend
with persons that like movies too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, my sister believes that watching to movies in time-consuming and my father is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on entertainment and my mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
series and Entertainment Tonight!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, as I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
my free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on cinemas, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
instead
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common interests with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Second, I am a kind of person that like to have information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to have communication with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whom are specialist in a certain field.
For instance
, I have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
that studied neurology, computer science, sociology, economics, physics, and pharmacy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, since my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
have limited knowledge, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that can discuss with them about these fields.
In contrast
, when I want to talk about marketing and literature, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
time.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is funnier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Indeed
, the generation gap between my parents and me is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to be in calm
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they doctor avoided them from exciting hobbies. Actually, I hate quiet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and I need to be in busy and noisy areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I like to go hiking, rock metal concerts, drift rallies and other exciting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to not bring my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages for me. I can learn, share my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with them and have fun.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t say that we should completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
our relationship with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Even, I believe that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
care about their life too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t mean that we should always stick to them. In fact, we can fill this gap in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
For example
, we can cook, listen to their diaries, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
stories.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Young adults prefer mostly to spend time with friends. However, there are some who prefer to spend time with their families. Which one do you prefer? Use specific details to support your idea. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
471 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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