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children in some parts of world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. some people think this is a positive change. However others think of it as negative change. what is your opinion v.2

children in some parts of world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. some people think this is a positive change. However others think of it as negative change. what is your opinion v. 2
There is a global controversy that children in the past bear more burden of responsibilities in comparison with this era. Some people assert that it is a positive alteration, while others persistently hold the opposite view. To me the idea of latter party seem more appealing given that this lack of responsibility have contributed to detrimental effect on children both personally and socially On the other hand, it is often said that these days parent don’t tend to put a proportion of responsibilities regarding either family or other agenda on the shoulders of the children. This policy not only would bring about negative effects on children life now, but it would also lead to difficulties for them in the future. Although before parents were strict and involve youngsters more in handling the tasks, this trend efficiently had directly with formation of their characteristics as a practical and tough and tough person subsequently. For example, whenever our parent or grandparent tell their diary of their childhood, it wasn’t life that much easy for them to pass. They should do hardship to support themselves or their family financially. On the other hand, when it comes to social properties of children, it is manifest that formerly they were more sociable and tend to have interaction with surrounding. However, nowadays they want to busy themselves with virtual network. They don’t any more enthusiastic to handle their task through their connection with others. For instance, with advent of information technology children more are fond of purchasing their thing online. So, it would play an immense role in making them lazy in dealing with problems that is more in need of being in touch with people. To sum up, it would be distinctively wise if parent force their children to be more accustomed to accept some responsibility in their life. Besides, parent should encourage them to commit themselves to communities. Not only would these approaches have optimistic result in their perspective life, but it would also cause to be vibrant.
There is a global controversy that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the past bear more burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
in comparison
with this era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
alteration, while others
persistently
hold the opposite view. To me the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of latter party seem more appealing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that this lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
have contributed to detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
both
personally
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
socially


On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
don’t tend to put a proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
regarding either family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
agenda on the shoulders of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This policy not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would
also
lead to difficulties for them in the future. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were strict and involve youngsters more in handling the tasks, this trend
efficiently
had
directly
with formation of their characteristics as a practical and tough and tough person
subsequently
.
For example
, whenever our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or grandparent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their diary of their childhood, it wasn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that much easy for them to pass. They should do hardship to support themselves or
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
their


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
family
financially
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to social properties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it is manifest that
formerly
they were more sociable and tend to have interaction with surrounding.
However
, nowadays they want to busy themselves with virtual network. They don’t
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
enthusiastic to handle their task through their connection with others.
For instance
, with advent of information technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more are fond of purchasing their thing online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would play an immense role in making them lazy in dealing with problems
that is
more in need of being in touch with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, it would be
distinctively
wise if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more accustomed to accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should encourage them to commit themselves to communities. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would these approaches have optimistic result in their perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would
also
cause to be vibrant.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay children in some parts of world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. some people think this is a positive change. However others think of it as negative change. what is your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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