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Some young adults wants independence from their families as soon as possible Others young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time Which of these situation do you think is better Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v.2

Some young adults wants independence from their families as soon as possible Others young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time Which of these situation do you think is better Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 2
Independence simply means gaining freedom. Being independent comes with a lot of benefits, it boost self-confidence, increases thinking ability, it also increases hapinness. Should young adults live longer with their families or live on their own as soon as possible? Personally, i believe young adults should live on their own as soon as possible, they should have that independence. I feel this way for two reasons, which i will explore in the following essay. First of all, living with families for a longer time affects your decision making. As a young adult you will have to keep on consulting your families before you make decisions pertaining to you and this is not really good from my own perspective, For example, I am a young adult who just graduated from the university. I hardly make decisions on my own, my parents decide what we eat, they decide when i can go out with my friends, they decide the kind of jobs i should apply to. Perphaps if i was not living with them, they cannot possibly make all those decisons for me. Being independent give one that freedom to think, to fend for one' s self, to decide what to do and when to do it. A free man is an happy man. Second, living with families for a long duration increases ones reliance on families. However, being independent limits this dependence on families. For example, while staying with your family, one might not to some chores like cooking, washing, among others. These activities might be done by younger siblings, and this might make one to be lazy. Furthermore, being independent makes one to improves hardwork. Hardwork in the sense that one gets to improve him/herself in all things you do because there is nobody to assist you and this will as make you a better individual and stand out among your peers. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that young adults should live independently from their parents as soon as possible. This is because making decisions by one' s self is very important for development of an individual. Also, depending on one' s families for needs can be reduced if possible eliminated.
Independence
simply
means gaining freedom. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits, it
Did you mean "boosts"?
boost
self-confidence, increases thinking ability, it
also
increases
Possible spelling mistake found.
hapinness
. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
?
Personally
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
, they should have that independence. I feel this way for two reasons, which
Did you mean "I"?
i
will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for a longer time affects your
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult you will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on consulting your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
pertaining to you and this is not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective,
For example
, I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from the university. I hardly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, my parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
what we eat, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
when
Did you mean "I"?
i
can go out with my friends, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
the kind of jobs
Did you mean "I"?
i
should apply to.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Perphaps
if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was not living with them, they cannot
possibly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
all those
Possible spelling mistake found.
decisons
for me. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
give one that freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, to fend for
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s self, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
what to do and when to do it. A free
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

Second, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for a long duration increases
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
However
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
limits this dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For example
, while staying with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, one might not to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chores like cooking, washing, among others. These activities might
be done
by younger siblings, and this might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one to be lazy.
Furthermore
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hardwork
in the sense that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
him/herself in all things you do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is nobody to assist you and this will as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you a better individual and stand out among your peers.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
The usual collocation for "independently" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independently of"?
independently from
their parents as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s self is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for development of an individual.
Also
, depending on
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for needs can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
eliminated.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults wants independence from their families as soon as possible Others young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time Which of these situation do you think is better Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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