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Do you agree or disagree with following sentence. Celebrating pets in an holiday would be funny to me. v.1

with following sentence. Celebrating pets in an holiday would be funny to me. v. 1
All of the world, people celebrate all kinds of special days and events as holidays. For example, countries such as Mexico, the United States, and France celebrate their independence day on a designated day during the year. On this day, the stores close, families get together to spend time, and there may even be a fireworks show in the evening time in cities in these respective countries. Other holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving, both of which are celebrated in the United States, are additional holidays set aside for families and friends. There are already so many holidays in my country that I enjoy, so choosing to create a new holiday is no easy task. If I had to choose a new holiday, I would choose one to celebrate my dog. In its honor, I would have a giant cake, a dog theme park, and a royal parade. First of all, my own holiday for my dog would involve a giant cake. In fact, I would invite my neighbors and friends to celebrate with me by bringing their pets. The crown jewel of the festivity would be a giant cake which would be approximately 20 pounds in weight, circular shaped, and 2 feet tall. To make the cake appealing to my dog Lucky, I would use cornmeal, chicken, bacon, salt, and flour. In a similar manner to my dog, which I believe is the cutest animal in the world, I would make the cake as beautiful as possible. Second of all, in the holiday for my dog Lucky, I would create a theme park in the backyard of my house. The theme park would include things that dogs like. For example, I would place a red fire hydrant along with a patch of grass so all the dogs coming to the party would have a proper place to " go to the bathroom. " In addition, I would create a play area with sand with some plastic and rubber dog toys such as bones and balls. Lucky loves to chew things, so she and the other dogs would have things to chew on as we celebrate this wonderful holiday. Finally, what is a holiday without a parade? Of course, to celebrate this holiday, I would have a royal parade for my dog Lucky. I truly love her, and she is my favorite pet in the whole world, so the parade would be a great way for me to show my love and appreciation for my dog. During the parade, all those invited to celebrate this holiday would dress up their dogs in play clothes that best represented the pets' personalities. We would walk down our neighborhood street with our pets on leashes with a marching band to honor the love that we have for our pets. As crazy as it may sound, if I had to create a new holiday, I would create one to honor my dog. Moreover, this holiday could spread from my house to other homes, other cities, and other countries, and maybe people over all the world would be able to celebrate their pets in a similar manner. In fact, the last Saturday in April in the United States is National Pet Day. For me, I choose to celebrate that day in honor of my dog with a yummy dog-appealing cake, a theme park, and a parade
Consider using "all the".
All of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
all kinds of special days and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Mexico, the United States, and France
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
their
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
independence day
on a designated day during the year. On this day, the stores close, families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together to spend time, and there may even be a fireworks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in the evening time in cities in these respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
such as Christmas and Thanksgiving, both of which
are celebrated
in the United States, are additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
set aside for families and friends. There are already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that I enjoy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
is no easy task. If I had to choose a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, I would choose one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
. In its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honor
, I would have a giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, and a royal parade.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
would involve a giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
. In fact, I would invite my neighbors and friends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
with me by bringing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
. The crown jewel of the festivity would be a giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
which would be approximately
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
in weight, circular shaped, and
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
2 feet
tall. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
appealing to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lucky
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cornmeal, chicken, bacon, salt, and flour.
Consider replacing "In a similar manner" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In a similar manner
to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
, which I believe is the cutest animal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
as possible.

Second of all, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lucky
, I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
in the backyard of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
would include things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
like.
For example
, I would place a red fire hydrant along with a patch of grass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
coming to the party would have a proper place to
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; go to the bathroom.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
In addition
, I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a play area with sand with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plastic and rubber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
toys such as bones and balls.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loves
to chew things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
would have things to chew on as we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
this wonderful holiday.

Finally
, what is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
?
Of course
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, I would have a royal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lucky
. I
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
her, and she is my favorite pet in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
would be a great way for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and appreciation for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
, all those invited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
would dress up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
in play clothes that best represented the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pets&
#039; personalities. We would walk down our neighborhood street with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
on leashes with a marching band to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honor
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
that we have for our pets.

As crazy as it may sound, if I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honor
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
could spread from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
homes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
Consider replacing "in a similar manner" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a similar manner
. In fact, the last Saturday in April in the United States is National Pet Day. For me, I choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
that day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honor
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
with a yummy dog-appealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, and a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
parade
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
90Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay with following sentence. Celebrating pets in an holiday would be funny to me. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
560 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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