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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older 15 to 18 year old teenage children Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v.2

Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older 15 to 18 year old teenage children Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 2
I always asked myself that would it better to let my parents and others, like advisors, made my important decisions when I was teenager? I read a lot of books and articles and talked with many peoples about this issue. I found that there is a lot different attitudes about it. Actually, it is a controversial and many of advisors and psychologists did important research about it. Considering my own situation right now, I prefer that parents and others make their teenagers important decisions for several reasons; they are experienced, aware about their children’s talents. In addition, teenagers unable to make right decisions for their life’s critical issues. First, parent and others, I mean advisors, are more experienced than teenagers. This help them to make right decisions at the right time. They was teenager and passed it with precious experiences. For example, my cousin did not eager to apply for computer engineering several years ago. His parents insisted on this major and finally, he applied for it. Now he a senior engineer in a leading software company. He always talk about his parent’s role in his success. Second, our parents are aware about our talents and skills. It helps them to make a strategic plan for their teenager’s future with regarding their talents and interests. They know that talent and passionate to do a task is a fundamental factor to reach desired goals. For instance, one of my relatives was fired from school because teachers believe that she could not concentrate on her courses. As their parents knew that she was interested in dancing and dancers have higher incomes, they registered her in a dance class. Now, she is a famous dancer and she is a sort of celebrity and their parents are proud of her. Thus, parent’s decision can be the best at the time. Finally, teenagers are not able to decide right decisions. Their brain is not develop enough to analyze factors and situations in an appropriate manner. Most of their decisions are depend on emotional rather than cognitional. Also, they are more passionate to follow friends, then, this indicates that they are not aware about consequences of their decisions. My uncle is a policeman. He hates this job. When I ask him “why did you choose this job? ” he respond me that it was his friend’s decision, not him. In fact, he just tried to be part the group by registering in police department. So, as most of teenager’s decisions are based on their sentiments, they mostly regretful in future. In conclusion, teenagers are in very critical period of their life. They shouldn’t permit to decide rest of their life alone because they are impulsive in decision making. They usually not steady with their decision because of life’s circumstances. As solution, they can get help from others like parents and advisors. Even, I believe that parents are more qualified to make their decisions because they are more experienced because they pass this period of time several years ago, and their experiences let them to have a plan for their teenagers. As the result, if you want your teenagers will be prosperous, do not let them to decide their important decisions solely.
I always asked myself that would it better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, like advisors, made my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
when I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
? I read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
books and articles and talked with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
peoples about this issue.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
found that there is a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitudes about it. Actually, it is a controversial and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of advisors and psychologists did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
research about it. Considering my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I prefer that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for several reasons; they
are experienced
, aware about their children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
critical issues.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, I mean advisors, are more experienced than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
time. They
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
and passed it with precious experiences.
For example
, my cousin did not eager to apply for computer engineering several years ago. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
insisted on this major and
finally
, he applied for it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
It seems that a verb is missing after "he". Please verify.
he
a senior engineer in a leading software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. He always
The pronoun 'He' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "talks", "talked".
talk
about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
role in his success.

Second, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are aware about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a strategic plan for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager’s
future with regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and interests. They know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and passionate to do a task is a fundamental factor to reach desired goals.
For instance
, one of my relatives
was fired
from school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
teachers believe that she could not concentrate on her courses. As their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
knew that she
was interested
in dancing and dancers have higher incomes, they registered her in a dance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dancer and
she is a sort of celebrity and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are proud of her.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can be the best at the time.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are not able to decide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. Their brain is not
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to analyze factors and situations
Consider replacing "in an appropriate manner" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate manner
. Most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on emotional
rather
than cognitional.
Also
, they are more passionate to follow friends, then, this indicates that they are not aware about consequences of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. My uncle is a policeman. He hates this job. When I ask him “why did you choose this job? ” he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "responds", "responded".
respond
me that it was his friend’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, not him. In fact, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
tried to be part the group by registering in police department.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, as most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are based
on their sentiments, they
mostly
regretful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical period of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They shouldn’t permit
Did you mean "deciding"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'permit' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to decide
rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are impulsive in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. They
usually
not steady with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
circumstances. As solution, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and advisors. Even, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more qualified to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they pass this period of time several years ago, and their experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to have a plan for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. As the result, if you want your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will be prosperous, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to decide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
solely
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older 15 to 18 year old teenage children Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
535 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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