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Some young adults wants independence from their families as soon as possible Others young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time Which of these situation do you think is better Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v.1

Some young adults wants independence from their families as soon as possible Others young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time Which of these situation do you think is better Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 1
With the modernization, the culture throughout the globe is appearing identical to the people. It has often debated that this trend affects the traditions of a nation while others believe that its positive sides are propitious to the community. The essay will highlight the causes of the trend followed by benefits to the public and authorities with relevant examples. The first and foremost reason is that people are migrating to other countries for education and career opportunities. They follow and respect the cultures and behaviours of the new country. For instance, in the technological era, students want to pursue higher certification in specialized universities, they even apply in abroad universities. Thus, after completing studies, they prefer to settle in a new country. Furthermore, immigrants celebrate migrated country festivals with same enthusiasm. I believe there are several benefits of cultural and traditional similarities all over the world. Firstly, economic development of the community will improve with the increase in businesses with other nations having similar trends. People across the globe share the same fashion, food, and other area of interest. Secondly, developed countries will invest in foreign exchanges with the diversity of their culture in the world. Therefore, people lifestyle will improve with the advent of new employments as well as by adopting multicultural skills. To conclude, in my opinion, similarities in culture across the world will be advantageous to the individual nation along with other countries. Cultural diversity differences will be reduced, which will be supportive for an individual living in a foreign nation. Moreover, globalization will enhance the economic growth of the developing countries by creating international trade business and other employment options.
With the modernization, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
throughout the globe
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is appearing
identical to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated that this trend affects the traditions of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
while others believe that its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides are propitious to the community. The essay will highlight the causes of the trend followed by benefits to the public and authorities with relevant examples.

The
first
and foremost reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for education and career opportunities. They follow and respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, in the technological era, students want to pursue higher certification in specialized universities, they even apply in abroad universities.
Thus
, after completing studies, they prefer to settle in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, immigrants celebrate migrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
festivals with same enthusiasm.

I believe there are several benefits of cultural and traditional similarities all over the world.
Firstly
, economic development of the community will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
with the increase in businesses with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
having similar trends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
across the globe share the same fashion, food, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
area of interest.
Secondly
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will invest in foreign exchanges with the diversity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the world.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lifestyle will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
with the advent of new employments
as well
as by adopting multicultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, in my opinion, similarities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
across the world will be advantageous to the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Cultural diversity differences will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, which will be supportive for an individual living in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Moreover
, globalization will enhance the economic growth of the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by creating international trade business and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employment options.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults wants independence from their families as soon as possible Others young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time Which of these situation do you think is better Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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