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You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp In your letter Explain what sort of job you would like to do Des v.1

You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp In your letter Explain what sort of job you would like to do Des v. 1
Respect should be the most important thing in everyone's life. Nowadays, person value be condemned by their social life and property, even though old fashioned conscience is no longer in most people life. In my perspective, I completely agree with this statement. Firstly, this happens due to the technology, especially social media, those thing developing this concept in society. Social media play the main role in our life. If we are watching films about envied, we are starting to follow that habit in our day to day life. Following those bad habits in our life we lost valuable habit such as respect others, loving our family members. There some film and drama that provides envied, enmity. For instance, Iceman this film about anonymity that who is coming after 400 to avenge his friend. Secondly, everyone wants to be famous in society because of this reason people find some bad way to be famous such as doing some YouTube channels, blogs. Although most of teenagers doing some silly experiment in Facebook and YouTube. While they are doing such things they are irreverent others. Moreover, people like to watch such experiment. We respect those people who doing a YouTube channel than people who doing good works to the society. For example, People respect Youtubers such as ace family more than Doctors, Teachers. When we show Youtubers in public places we attempted to take some photos with them. In conclusion, people care more about what others think about their social status than what others think about their personality. I think we should respect all kinds of people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Respect
should be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in everyone's life.

Nowadays, person value
be condemned
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and property,
even though
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
conscience is no longer in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, this happens due to the technology,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media,
Did you mean "this thing" or "those things"?
those thing
developing this concept in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media play the main role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If we are watching films about envied, we are starting to follow that habit in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Following those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
we lost valuable habit such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
others, loving our family members. There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
film and drama that provides envied, enmity.
For instance
, Iceman this film about anonymity that who is coming after 400 to avenge his friend.

Secondly
, everyone wants to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in society
because of this
reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
YouTube channels, blogs. Although most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
silly experiment
The usual collocation for "Facebook" is "on". Did you mean "on Facebook"?
in Facebook
and YouTube.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
such things they are irreverent others.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such experiment. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a YouTube channel than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
works to the society.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtubers
such as ace family more than Doctors, Teachers.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtubers
in public places we attempted to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
photos with them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care more about what others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status than what others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their personality. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp In your letter Explain what sort of job you would like to do Des v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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