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2281 do you think technology will affect the way we do business? well, certainly yes technolgy has affected significantly all over the world in every domain. the way of doing business has been changing now days due to advancement of technolgy for example v.1

2281 do you think technology will affect the way we do business? well, certainly yes technolgy has affected significantly all over the world in every domain. the way of doing business has been changing now days due to advancement of technolgy for example v. 1
It is often argued that allowing young people to choose whatever they want in day-to-day life might create a sense of individualism in societies. However, others believe that it is crucial for children to decide on everything that put influence on them. While the former notion has some potential drawbacks, I agree with the latter statement. On the one hand, some argue that children are naive and lack the sense of morally right or wrong, so permitting them on their own choice making is not justified at this tender age. It would tend to create an individualistic society where people would lack empathy and compassion towards others. Owing to unbridled actions of children in their young age would likely to offend not only their peers, but also their parents. In India, for instance, modern young girls prefer to wear fashionable short dresses, which offence most of the Indian parents, as it is not a part of their culture. On the other hand, I support those who consider that having their own decisions at an early age makes children ready for their adult life. To elaborate, this not only helps them to become independent, but also makes them understand the freedom of expression, both of which are important life skills. Moreover, it plays a significant role in shaping their personality and aids their intellectual development, thereby makes them mature to take life -decisions effectively such as choosing a right career. For example, most of the children who prefer gaming as a source of entertainment are usually interested to make their career in the animation sector. In conclusion, although allowing young ones to choose on their own on different things have some possible consequences, I believe that this help in their personal development.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to choose whatever they want in day-to-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
might create a sense of individualism in societies.
However
, others believe that it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide on everything that put influence on them. While the former notion has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter statement.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are naive and lack the sense of
morally
right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
permitting them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice making is not justified at this tender age. It would tend to create an individualistic society where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would lack empathy and compassion towards others. Owing to unbridled actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age would likely to offend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their peers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their parents. In India,
for instance
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
girls prefer to wear fashionable short dresses, which
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
most of the Indian parents, as it is not a part of their culture.

On the other hand
, I support those who consider that having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions at an early age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ready for their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To elaborate, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to become independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them understand the freedom of expression, both of which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, it plays a significant role in shaping their personality and aids their intellectual development, thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them mature to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
-decisions
effectively
such as choosing a right career.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who prefer gaming as a source of entertainment are
usually
interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their career in the animation sector.

In conclusion
, although allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones to choose on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible consequences, I believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their personal development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 2281 do you think technology will affect the way we do business? well, certainly yes technolgy has affected significantly all over the world in every domain. the way of doing business has been changing now days due to advancement of technolgy for example v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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