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500 why do you think some people like to help other people? actually i have seen lots of people who never fails to help others. they are kind hearted and they alwys feel pleasure helping others. even i have seen many people with the hard past and they a v.1

500 why do you think some people like to help other people? actually i have seen lots of people who never fails to help others. they are kind hearted and they alwys feel pleasure helping others. even i have seen many people with the hard past and they a v. 1
Some immense environmental problems such as global warming and ozone depletion in Earth’s stratosphere can be ascribed to technological developments. While some people believe that living a simple life can mitigate these problems, I contend that the best measure is green technology. I firmly believe that environmentally-friendly technology is the best answer to the problems. First, electric or hybrid transport vehicles can reduce the amount of traffic fumes that has been damaged both the biosphere and the atmosphere of Earth. For example, thick layers of smog in Beijing had gradually diminished after most petrol and diesel cars were replaced by electric ones. Second, the use of alternative energy sources such as solar and wind can stop the over-exploitation of fossil fuels, thus reducing the amount of greenhouse gas emission, the main culprit of global warming. Finally, with the latest technological advancements, household facilities that once threatened the environment have become greener. An excellent example of this is that modern refrigerators and air-conditioners do not produce CFC, a type of gas that is proven to be the major catalyst of ozone destruction. There is a common fallacy that a simple lifestyle can adequately address environmental issues. People may argue that by cutting household and transport energy use, they are making a substantial contribution to environmental protection. However, this method does not stop the massive energy consumption at industrial sites. Some may also claim that not using electricity at home is the right choice, and events such as Earth Hour is an appropriate measure to cut carbon dioxide production. Ironically, the mentioned event is more symbolic rather than practical, as most people start to light candles for lighting purpose, an act that produces even more carbon-dioxide than light bulbs do. All of the existing data provide a concrete foundation that advances in technology should be adopted to tackle environmental problems, while simple ways of life are an ineffective and sometimes counterproductive solution for these problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as global warming and ozone depletion in Earth’s stratosphere can
be ascribed
to technological developments. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that living a simple life can mitigate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I contend that the best measure is green technology.

I
firmly
believe that
environmentally
-friendly technology is the best answer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
First
, electric or hybrid transport vehicles can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of traffic fumes that has
been damaged
both the biosphere and the atmosphere of Earth.
For example
, thick layers of smog in Beijing had
gradually
diminished after most petrol and diesel cars
were replaced
by electric ones. Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alternative energy sources such as solar and wind can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the over-exploitation of fossil fuels,
thus
reducing the amount of greenhouse gas emission, the main culprit of global warming.
Finally
, with the latest technological advancements, household facilities that once threatened the environment have become greener. An excellent example of this is that modern refrigerators and air-conditioners do not produce CFC, a type of gas that
is proven
to be the major catalyst of ozone destruction.

There is a common fallacy that a simple lifestyle can
adequately
address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may argue that by cutting household and transport energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, they are making a substantial contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
protection.
However
, this method does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the massive energy consumption at industrial sites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
also
claim that not using electricity at home is the right choice, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as Earth Hour is an appropriate measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
carbon dioxide production.
Ironically
, the mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is more symbolic
rather
than practical, as most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to light candles for lighting purpose, an act that produces even more carbon-dioxide than light bulbs do.

Consider using "all the".
All of the
existing data provide a concrete foundation that advances in technology should
be adopted
to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, while simple ways of life are an ineffective and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
counterproductive solution for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 500 why do you think some people like to help other people? actually i have seen lots of people who never fails to help others. they are kind hearted and they alwys feel pleasure helping others. even i have seen many people with the hard past and they a v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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