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Some people prefer outdoor activities such as basketball. Others prefer indoor activities such as yoga. Which would you prefer and why? v.1

Some people prefer outdoor activities such as basketball. Others prefer indoor activities such as yoga. Which would you prefer and why? v. 1
It is irrefutable that fitness is directly proportion to weight. Many countries are adopting to work out on a regular bases, while few countries still haven’t considered fitness as an important part of life, because of which, there are more obese people. Few of the most important factors to consider for obesity are unhealthy food habits and lack of awareness. The most significant factor that affects a person’s weight is unhealthy food habit. In this fast-paced world, most people rely on fast food on their way to work. Junk food does fill in your appetite but does not provide nutrients to stay active. As a result, people become lazy. Though there are a percentage of people who rely on fast food in every country, but there are some countries who rely on fast food, which is a bigger concern. As a solution, the government should increment more taxes on junk food, this will push people to change their eating habits and move towards eating healthy food making them fitter and healthier. Another compelling reason for weight gain is long working hours. Long working hours are the primary reason of weight gain among working professionals. To illustrate this, on an average, a person spends around 40 to 50 hours in office, mostly sitting. This accounts for 50 percent of his active time throughout the day. As a consequence, he is hardly left with time and energy to hit the gym or do some physical activity. A solution to this is, the government should pass a bill to restrict working hour and companies should create awareness among their employees by providing gym membership. Also, internal competitions must be created within organizations so that it keeps them motivated. In conclusion, although obesity is one of the biggest concerns of the current world, due to bad eating habits and longer desk jobs, cause of which fitness level is getting dropped. In my opinion, eating healthy and constantly working out with some motivation and awareness, would create a healthy and a fitter world.
It is irrefutable that fitness is
directly
proportion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are adopting to work out on a regular bases, while few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
haven’t considered fitness as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which, there are more obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Few of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to consider for obesity are unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and lack of awareness.

The most significant factor that affects a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on their way to work. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does fill in your appetite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not provide nutrients to stay active.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become lazy. Though there are a percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is a bigger concern. As a solution, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increment more taxes on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, this will push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
making them fitter and healthier.

Another compelling reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain is long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are the primary reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professionals. To illustrate this, on an average, a person spends around 40 to 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in office,
mostly
sitting. This accounts for 50 percent of his active time throughout the day. As a consequence, he is hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with time and energy to hit the gym or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activity. A solution to this is, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pass a bill to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should create awareness among their employees by providing gym membership.
Also
, internal competitions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be created
within organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them motivated.

In conclusion
, although obesity is one of the biggest concerns of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and longer desk jobs, cause of which fitness level is getting dropped. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy and
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
out with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
motivation and awareness, would create a healthy and a fitter world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people prefer outdoor activities such as basketball. Others prefer indoor activities such as yoga. Which would you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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