Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You wanted to have your computer fixed by the computer shop you bought it form, but the shop refused to repair it. Write a letter to the manager of the computer shop. In your letter, you•Describe the problem with your computer•Explain why you are not v.1

You wanted to have your computer fixed by the computer shop you bought it form, but the shop refused to repair it. Write a letter to the manager of the computer shop. In your letter, you•Describe the problem with your computer•Explain why you are not v. 1
When they become adults, young people face the dilemma of whether to spend their lives in the place where they were born or move to other places. While there are some benefits to living abroad, I would argue that it is better to stay in your hometown. The option to leave your hometown is attractive for several reasons. Many young people want to experience living in a foreign culture. In this way, they will have a better understanding of life, and broaden their horizons. In terms of their career, young people who start to work in a foreign country may progress more quickly. This is proven to be true on many occasions for immigrants, since living in unfamiliar locations create a certain pressure to become stronger and a sense of responsibility. This may lead to promotions and a successful career. On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for young people to continue to live in their hometowns. Firstly, a sense of belonging is a beautiful thing to have in your life. For example, knowing your neighbours and shopping from the same places for years make you feel that you are not alone. As a result, life gets happier and more enjoyable comparing to depressing feelings caused by loneliness in a foreign country. Secondly, in the early days of their career, the chance of spending a few more years in your parents' home can save you pretty decent amounts of money. Instead of struggling to pay the rent and putting too many hours of work only to create that surplus of capital in remote countries, living in your own home is a such a smooth path to choose. In conclusion, it seems to me that young people are more likely to be joyful if they spend their lives in their hometowns.
When they become adults,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face the dilemma of whether to spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the place where they
were born
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to other places. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
abroad, I would argue that it is better to stay in your hometown.

The option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
your hometown is attractive for several reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a foreign culture. In this way, they will have a better understanding of life, and broaden their horizons. In terms of their career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work in a foreign country may progress more
quickly
. This
is proven
to be true on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions for immigrants, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in unfamiliar locations create a certain pressure to become stronger and a sense of responsibility. This may lead to promotions and a successful career.

On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their hometowns.
Firstly
, a sense of belonging is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
thing to have in your life.
For example
, knowing your
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and shopping from the same places for years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feel that you are not alone.
As a result
, life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
happier and more enjoyable comparing to depressing feelings caused by loneliness in a foreign country.
Secondly
, in the early days of their career, the chance of spending a few more years in your parents' home can save you pretty decent amounts of money.
Instead
of struggling to pay the rent and putting too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours of work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to create that surplus of capital in remote countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home is a such a smooth path to choose.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to be joyful if they spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in their hometowns.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You wanted to have your computer fixed by the computer shop you bought it form, but the shop refused to repair it. Write a letter to the manager of the computer shop. In your letter, you•Describe the problem with your computer•Explain why you are not v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts