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You travel by bus every weekday morning, and you always use the same bus route. Recently the bus has not been reliable. It sometimes comes late and for the last few mornings it has not stopped when you hailed it. No change of schedule has been advertised. v.1

You travel by bus every weekday morning, and you always use the same bus route. Recently the bus has not been reliable. It sometimes comes late and for the last few mornings it has not stopped when you hailed it. No change of schedule has been advertised. v. 1
To begin with, our lives in the modern world are all about social media and immense amount of exposure to the internet which has given rise to advertisements. While some people feel that advertisements tell about new products and might improve lives, I on the other hand, I believe that advertising encourages us to buy unnecessary goods and waste money. In this essay I will lay down some supporting points to my argument along with certain examples. Now a days there are a lot of products being sold through the television medium. For example, there are ten different commercials for even a bathing soap. Some say it moisturises while the other say it moisturises and make you look younger too. This gives rise for a lot of people to look up to these products for beauty and end up buying a lot of it. Little do they realize that the models are normal human beings hidden behind layers of harmful makeup. As a result, these expensive products bar their expiry date and eventually are thrown away and get wasted. For instance, people in the Japanese culture, they have adopted minimum usage, which means they only buy those products which they really need to live their lives. This practice is inherited in their kids, subsequently, each person starts valuing the needs of others. Hence, there are resources in abundance and no one sleeps hungry. Now imagine if people just go with the flow of buying products because their role model is advertising it, there will be waste and less commodities available for the poor. I therefore conclude by revisiting a plot of the movie 'Infinity War', wherein the negative character has a strong belief that we are a world of finite resources and rich are getting rich, poor are getting poorer. He then ends up killing half humanity to fit with the resources for everyone. So, it is important that people understand that we coexist with others humans along with species and everyone should have sufficed. Hence, yes advertisements encourage people to buy things that they really do not need.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the modern world are all about social media and immense amount of exposure to the internet which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to advertisements. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, I on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that advertising encourages us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and waste money. In this essay I will lay down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supporting points to my argument along with certain examples.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a days there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
being sold
through the television medium.
For example
, there are ten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
commercials for even a bathing soap.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say it
Possible spelling mistake. 'moisturises' is British English.
moisturises
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
say it
Possible spelling mistake. 'moisturises' is British English.
moisturises
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you look younger too.
Did you mean "these"?
This
gives rise for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look up to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for beauty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
do they realize that the models are normal human beings hidden behind layers of harmful makeup.
As a result
, these expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
bar their expiry date and
eventually
are thrown
away and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
wasted.

For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the Japanese culture, they have adopted minimum usage, which means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they
really
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. This practice
is inherited
in their kids,
subsequently
, each person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
valuing the needs of others.
Hence
, there are resources in abundance and no one sleeps hungry.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
imagine if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the flow of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their role model is advertising it, there will be waste and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun commodities is countable.
less
commodities available for the poor.

I
therefore
conclude by revisiting a plot of the movie 'Infinity War', wherein the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
character has a strong belief that we are a world of finite resources and rich are getting rich, poor are getting poorer. He then ends up killing half humanity to fit with the resources for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand that we coexist with others humans along with species and everyone should have sufficed.
Hence
, yes advertisements encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that they
really
do not need.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You travel by bus every weekday morning, and you always use the same bus route. Recently the bus has not been reliable. It sometimes comes late and for the last few mornings it has not stopped when you hailed it. No change of schedule has been advertised. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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