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some people get up early in the morning and go to bed early at night. others get up late in the morning and stay up until late at night. Which do you think is better and why? include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

some people get up early in the morning and go to bed early at night. others get up late in the morning and stay up until late at night. Which do you think is better and why? include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
Nowadays, With the increase in technology, children's lives are very simple. Some people believe that children have so much free time and from that they feel, They shall be used this leisure time to do more schoolwork. But, From my point of view, There are so many activities which they prefer in their free time. Personally, I believe that in this free time, They play any sports to active themselves too. To begin, Children spent their 5-7 hours in a school. Firstly, They use their free time to practice more schoolwork. From that, They connect themselves with these work daily. Furthermore, Some parents believe that, If their children are only studying whole day, they are doing great in their exams and getting top rank in their academic work. In contrast, They excel in some sports which they have an interest such as, Tennis, Basketball, Football, Cricket and many more. Apart from that, They also do art and craft work. For example, Sketches, Canvas Painting and a lot more. From that, They shall have active themselves and also feel relaxed and happy apart from the schoolwork. Moreover, In this free time, They follow their hobby and their skills which are helpful themselves. In addition, They explore this free time in book reading for gaining knowledge, which makes them different from the others. I am not against to spend time with schoolwork but these activities are also important to growth and development themselves. To conclude, I totally agree with my statements that, They have used their whole free time apart from the school work and doing same productive work too, which makes them happy and from that they fit, active and gain knowledge from that. I completely agree with my decision on this topic.
Nowadays, With the increase in technology, children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that children have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and from that they feel, They shall be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do more schoolwork.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, From my point of view, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities which they prefer in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Personally
, I believe that in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, They play any sports to active themselves too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, Children spent their 5-7 hours in a school.
Firstly
, They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to practice more schoolwork. From that, They connect themselves with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
daily.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents believe that, If their children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying whole day, they are doing great in their exams and getting top rank in their academic work.

In contrast
, They excel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports which they have an interest such as, Tennis, Basketball, Football, Cricket and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Apart from that, They
also
do art and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, Sketches, Canvas Painting and a lot more. From that, They shall have active themselves and
also
feel relaxed and happy apart from the schoolwork.

Moreover
, In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, They follow their hobby and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are helpful themselves.
In addition
, They explore this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in book reading for gaining knowledge, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the others. I am not against to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with schoolwork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these activities are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to growth and development themselves.

To conclude
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with my statements that, They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
apart from the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and doing same productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and from that they fit, active and gain knowledge from that. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with my decision on this topic.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay some people get up early in the morning and go to bed early at night. others get up late in the morning and stay up until late at night. Which do you think is better and why? include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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