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No many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.1

No many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 1
It is often believed by a few sections of society that the younger generation would be impacted if senior citizens are allowed to work in their older age. Although, this might be a prevalent conviction by some people, my perspective is that, letting aged people work after 60 years of age will not pose any problems for younger workforce. This essay will decipher various reasons for my standpoint. Firstly, ageing significantly affects cognitive abilities, analytical skills and reasoning capacity of human beings. In other words, the Brain functionality of a person slows down with time and this directly results in poor productivity at work. To instantiate, in a recent study, it was found that humans are more susceptible to brain damage and nervous disorder after the age of 60 which marks the decline in exceptional performances in their field of work. However, this may not be the case with youths as they are considered to be adept at excellent work rate. Therefore, letting senior citizens work after certain age does not affect the younger People as the former are not considered as a threat to the more capable younger working class. Secondly, elderly people find it arduous to quickly learn new technology. This is because the previous century as opposed to the current century, never experienced the fast pace of evolving business, so this provided no opportunity for the workers during that time to adapt to the changes. For instance, in many organizations, when applications that work on older technology are decommissioned, older employees face difficulty to swiftly comprehend and more sensitive to changes. However, the younger working class have always showed positive involvement to these variations which makes them more preferable employability. Hence, allowing elderly people to work cannot pose any problems for younger generations. To conclude, due to various age-related challenges such as declining health, slower learning and poor adapting skills, I believe that the presence of older people in the job market will not offer any challenge to the prospects of the younger generation. Therefore, older people, if allowed to work after 60 years of age, would not cause problems with a younger age group age group.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by a few sections of society that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation would
be impacted
if senior citizens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Although, this might be a prevalent conviction by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, my perspective is that, letting aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after 60 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will not pose any problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
workforce. This essay will decipher various reasons for my standpoint.

Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
significantly
affects cognitive abilities, analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and reasoning capacity of human beings.
In other words
, the Brain functionality of a person slows down with time and this
directly
results in poor productivity at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To instantiate, in a recent study, it
was found
that humans are more susceptible to brain damage and nervous disorder after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 which marks the decline in exceptional performances in their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, this may not be the case with youths as they
are considered
to be adept at excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rate.
Therefore
, letting senior citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
does not affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
as the former are not considered as a threat to the more capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Secondly
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it arduous to
quickly
learn new technology. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the previous century as opposed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century, never experienced the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of evolving business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this provided no opportunity for the workers during that time to adapt to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations, when applications that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
technology
are decommissioned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees face difficulty to
swiftly
comprehend and more sensitive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
involvement to these variations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more preferable employability.
Hence
, allowing elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cannot pose any problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generations.

To conclude
, due to various age-related challenges such as declining health, slower learning and poor adapting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I believe that the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the job market will not offer any challenge to the prospects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after 60 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, would not cause problems with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay No many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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