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You successfully passed a job interview. You are expected to start on November 15, but you will not be available on that date. Task: Write a letter to your new boss, explaining your situation, expressing your concern and suggesting a solution. v.1

You successfully passed a job interview. You are expected to start on November 15, but you will not be available on that date. Task: Write a letter to your new boss, explaining your situation, expressing your concern and suggesting a solution. v. 1
Nowadays, the population in some countries it consists of a large number of young adults and a small number of older people. This situation contains disadvantages and advantages for the country and that is what we will discuss in this essay. Firstly, having for the majority of a country, young people, is an advantage of increasing the population, as young people would may like to create their family and having kids. For example, in Greece is distinct that there are many young adults in the country, having kids from one to four per family. These days, is something common for the residents of Greece having kids at a young age and as a result the young people will be more than the older. Also, the country will benefit from them because it will have available many young people to become employees. On the other side, of course, there are some disadvantages and one of them can be the education part. If the young are more in number than the older people, that could lead to an educational problem, especially if the education is free. For instance, in my country, even the university degrees are free of charge and as a result that could be very stressful for the government, as it has to afford financially a lot of people. To conclude, although there will be some difficulties having younger population, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as I said above the country may be more active having more young people to work for it.
Nowadays, the population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
it consists of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This situation contains disadvantages and advantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
that is
what we will discuss in this essay.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
for the majority of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, is an advantage of increasing the population, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "would, may", "would" or "may"?
would may
like to create their family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
kids.
For example
, in Greece is distinct that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
kids from one to four per family. These days, is something common for the residents of Greece
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
kids at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age and
as a result
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more than the older.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will benefit from them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will have available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become employees.

On the other side,
of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages and one of them can be the education part. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are more in number than the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, that could lead to an educational problem,
especially
if the education is free.
For instance
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, even the university degrees are free of charge and
as a result
that could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stressful for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, as it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
afford
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, although there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
younger population, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as I said above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may be more active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work for it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You successfully passed a job interview. You are expected to start on November 15, but you will not be available on that date. Task: Write a letter to your new boss, explaining your situation, expressing your concern and suggesting a solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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