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You wish to enrol in a course at an Australian college. You have already written a letter to the college asking for information but you have not received the reply yet. Write a letter to the college explaining your concern because the course will start in v.1

You wish to enrol in a course at an Australian college. You have already written a letter to the college asking for information but you have not received the reply yet. Write a letter to the college explaining your concern because the course will start in v. 1
It is true that today’s children are the future of the country, and the way we bring at them will determine the nation’s success. Although some believe mandatory parental training may enhance the parenting skills of individuals, I personally disagree with this due to some reasons which will be mentioned below. Firstly, it is an undeniable fact that parents play a significant role in bringing up their children, which has been successful in practice since the evolution of human beings. Parenting skills will be learned by themselves with the experience of success and failure with the children. To explain it further, parents learn better way of bringing up children by their own childhood experiences, with the help of their family members, friends or even neighbours rather than getting into courses to learn how to bring up. Hence, it is clear that parents become well informed about how to bring up their children in a valuable and experienced way. Moreover, today’s parents face a challenging situation since the work full time and could hardly spend time with the children and like the past generations. Enrolling in parenting courses would bring only theoretical knowledge, whereas by spending ample time with children, many parents could get better exposure to the real life situations. In the agricultural communities of the past, many parents had more time more than 10 children; however, they successfully bring up their children without any external support it in trainings. They could spend plenty time with their kids. While mingling with children, parents get a deeper understanding regarding them, and this realisation would enhance the parenting skills. Therefore, it would be meaningless to engage in parenting parental training programs, and it is recommended to utilise valuable time with children. To conclude, compulsory parenting lessons will be an unjustifiable act, whereas evidences have shown that parenting skills are inherited and learned from past generations and even by bringing by being with the children.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the future of the country, and the way we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
at them will determine the nation’s success. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe mandatory parental training may enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of individuals, I
personally
disagree with this due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which will
be mentioned
below.

Firstly
, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a significant role in bringing up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which has been successful in practice since the evolution of human beings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
be learned
by themselves with the experience of success and failure with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
learn better way of bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
childhood experiences, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their family members, friends or even
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
rather
than getting into courses to learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
up.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a valuable and experienced way.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
face a challenging situation since the work full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and could hardly spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and like the past generations. Enrolling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
courses would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical knowledge, whereas by spending ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better exposure to the real life situations. In the agricultural communities of the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
however
, they
successfully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without any external support it in trainings. They could spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their kids. While mingling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a deeper understanding regarding them, and this
Possible spelling mistake. 'realisation' is British English.
realisation
would enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Therefore
, it would be meaningless to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
parental training programs, and it
is recommended
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with children.

To conclude
, compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
lessons will be an unjustifiable act, whereas evidences have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are inherited
and learned from past generations and even by bringing by being with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You wish to enrol in a course at an Australian college. You have already written a letter to the college asking for information but you have not received the reply yet. Write a letter to the college explaining your concern because the course will start in v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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