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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Some people say children use technology too much these days Others believe that using technology now will help them in the future Discuss both these views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer an v.1

Some people say children use technology too much these days Others believe that using technology now will help them in the future Discuss both these views and give your opinion 1
From my everyday experience and observation I can stand that the best way of learning about life is through personal understanding. However, some people think that it is wiser to learn about life through listening to the advice of family and friends. It does not mean I totally disagree with this way of learning. Moreover, I think that it is wise for a person to take an intermediate position because each of these ways has its own advantages. Below I will give my reasons to support my point of view. From the one side, learning through one's personal experience brings many benefits. First of all, scientists say that personal experience has greater impact on a person. I have to agree with this. Take for example children. They will not believe their parents that something can hurt them until they try it and make sure of it. Furthermore, most likely they will remember this observation longer. Second of all, people learn how to analyze their mistakes, make conclusions and next time try to avoid them. So, I think it is a great experience that makes people stronger, more self-confident and persistent. They gain more knowledge and experience that will be very helpful and valuable in the future. From the other side, listening to the advice of family and friends brings many benefits too. Parents with great patience pass down their knowledge and experience to their children. They teach them all they know and they want their children do not make the same mistakes. In addition to those practical benefits, learning from someone's advice is painless. For example, parents nowadays very often talk to their children about drugs. I think it is a great example when one should not try drugs in order to gain new experience. I think it is a case when children must trust their parents. To sum up, I think it is wise to combine both of these ways to learn and try to analyze personal mistakes as well as not personal. I think together they can greatly simplify one's life and make the way to success shorter.
From my everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and observation I can stand that the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about life is through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
understanding.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is wiser to learn about life through listening to the advice of family and friends. It does not mean I
totally
disagree with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Moreover
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is wise for a person to take an intermediate position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages. Below I will give my reasons to support my point of view.

From the one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, scientists say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
has greater impact on a person. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. Take
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They will not believe their parents that something can hurt them until they try it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure of it.
Furthermore
, most likely they will remember this observation longer. Second of all,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn how to analyze their mistakes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
conclusions and
next
time try to avoid them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stronger, more self-confident and persistent. They gain more knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful and valuable in the future.

From the other side, listening to the advice of family and friends brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits too. Parents with great patience pass down their knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They teach them all they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
know and
they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the same mistakes.
In addition
to those practical benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from someone's advice is painless.
For example
, parents nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
talk to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about drugs. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is a great example when one should not try drugs in order to gain new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is a case when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
trust their parents.

To sum up, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is wise to combine both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to learn and try to analyze
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
mistakes
as well
as not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
together they can
greatly
simplify one's life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to success shorter.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say children use technology too much these days Others believe that using technology now will help them in the future Discuss both these views and give your opinion 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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