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Q5. 4 The student received the feedback for his paperwork with many comments. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

Q5. 4 The student received the feedback for his paperwork with many comments. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
People have different opinions as to whether nations should spend the national budget on hosting international sporting events. Personally, I believe that the events have beneficial impacts on the host nations as a whole. Advocates of the former view might assert that spending on sporting events could hurt countries’ economies. Staging the international sporting events would incur enormous expenses, to the detriment of the host nations’ budgets. So significant is the expenditure on the renovation of stadiums, the implementation of higher levels of security, and the hiring of performance artists that developing nations can hardly afford it. For example, instead of spending billions of dollars on hosting the 2010 World Cup and then drowning in debt, South Africa should have expended those budgets on addressing the physiological needs of their citizens, such as improving the standard of living and eliminating starvation. However, I support the view that nations might reap a multiplicity of benefits from staging those sporting events. Firstly, A wide range of employment opportunities are made available during years of planning and investment, and this will contribute to a decrease in unemployment. Secondly, enthusiasm and excitement are an indispensable part of these events; it is clear that the host nation’s population will experience an emotional boost that will result in an overall increase in life satisfaction. Lastly, such events are conducive to the development of culture and tourism in the host nations. Social cohesion and cultural understanding are further developed, thanks to stadiums and arenas thronged with flows of people from all over the world coming together and learning about each other. In conclusion, I concur with the portion of people who believe that the benefits of hosting international events would outweigh the drawbacks, although the resultant economic impact is no doubt worth further investigation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should spend the national budget on hosting international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Personally
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have beneficial impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as a whole.

Advocates of the former view might assert that spending on sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could hurt countries’ economies. Staging the international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
would incur enormous expenses, to the detriment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations’
budgets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
significant is the expenditure on the renovation of stadiums, the implementation of higher levels of security, and the hiring of performance artists that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can hardly afford it.
For example
,
instead
of spending billions of dollars on hosting the 2010 World Cup and then drowning in debt, South Africa should have expended those budgets on addressing the physiological needs of their citizens, such as improving the standard of living and eliminating starvation.

However
, I support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
might reap a multiplicity of benefits from staging those sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Firstly
, A wide range of employment opportunities
are made
available during years of planning and investment, and this will contribute to a decrease in unemployment.
Secondly
, enthusiasm and excitement are an indispensable part of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
; it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
population will experience an emotional boost that will result in an
overall
increase in life satisfaction.
Lastly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are conducive to the development of culture and tourism in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Social cohesion and cultural understanding are
further
developed, thanks to stadiums and arenas thronged with flows of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the world coming together and learning about each other.

In conclusion
, I concur with the portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that the benefits of hosting international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
would outweigh the drawbacks, although the resultant economic impact is no doubt worth
further
investigation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Q5. 4 The student received the feedback for his paperwork with many comments. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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