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A friend of yours has recently announced that she is seriously considering quitting college to look for a full-time job and earn more money. What advice would you give her? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

A friend of yours has recently announced that she is seriously considering quitting college to look for a full-time job and earn more money. What advice would you give her? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
It is true that developed countries provide financial aid to poorer countries to solve poverty, but it does not solve the economic problem because of several reasons like corruption. I moderately agreed with the point that this financial aid would be replaced with other type of help. To begin with, rich countries often help poor countries to provide financial aid. For example, there are many poor countries in the world who take the help of developed countries to solve the poverty in their nation if other countries are not able to help financially then there are no other help beneficial for that countries. However, it is true that developed countries provide financial aid to poorer countries, but does not solve poverty because of few reasons like corruptions. Nowadays there are many people who are corrupted and used money for solving poverty. For example, many leaders received money from other countries and distribute this money in their department only and for that poor people are not able to get benefit from financial aid. On the other hand, government are not able to manage this money properly and they waste this financial aid for some other work. The last, but not least reason is that only those people who have power are able to get benefit of this financial aid, so for that the poor people are not able to get this benefit. To conclude, I moderately agreed that financial aid does not solve poverty and economic issues in poor countries because of corruptions. Therefore, developed countries provide another type of help like providing food for poor people or free medical check up, so that they could solve poverty and economic problem in poor countries.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
the economic problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons like corruption. I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the point that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
would
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world who take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in their nation if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
financially
then there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
beneficial for that countries.

However
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of few reasons like corruptions. Nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are corrupted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leaders received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and distribute this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their department
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to manage this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
properly and
they waste this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
work. The last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have power are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this benefit.

To conclude
, I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and economic issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of corruptions.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
another type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
like providing food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or free medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and economic problem in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A friend of yours has recently announced that she is seriously considering quitting college to look for a full-time job and earn more money. What advice would you give her? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • A friend of yours has recently announced that she is seriously considering quitting college to look for a full-time job and earn more money. What advice would you give her? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v.1