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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by v.74

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by v. 74
Since the early 1700s when vaccines were discovered, the ability of vaccines to prevent infectious diseases has been proven to be highly effective. Nevertheless, some people still choose not to immunize their children for some reasons due to the lack of the obligation for vaccination. Therefore, for the sake of the improved healthcare for people, I believe such obligation should be implemented. In 1980s, there was a concern pertaining to the ability of vaccines to induce autism in babies. A decade later, a medical journal proofing such concern was released which shook the world. Even though that journal was found out to be fraudulent later, many people still believe that detrimental effect of vaccines. As a result, years later, for the first time in 30 years, a case of measles appeared in Spain in an infant because his parents did not want to vaccinate him due to autism concerns. Therefore, the lack of medical knowledge in societies can be harmful for their children, especially when they choose not to immunize their children and put them to the fatal risk of infectious diseases. Before 20th century, there were no concerns of the adverse effects of vaccines, however, many people still did not know vaccines or their benefits. Even more, those people still exist in some countries, making those countries have difficulties in tackling infectious diseases which can be prevented with immunizations. By making it obligatory for parents vaccinating their children, more children can have infectious diseases prevented. Moreover, there will be no more need for health professionals wasting time to convince uneducated people to vaccinate their children. Hence, the law obligates parents to vaccinate their children will lead to more efficient of infectious diseases prevention in children. In summary, the world need a law to obligate vaccination in children to make infectious diseases prevention can be achieved in most children and to prevent people not to vaccinate their children because of their biased knowledge.
Since the early 1700s when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
were discovered
, the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
has
been proven
to be
highly
effective.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
choose not to immunize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons due to the lack of the obligation for vaccination.
Therefore
, for the sake of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
healthcare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe such obligation should
be implemented
.

The article is probably missing here: "In the 1980s".
In 1980s
, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concern
pertaining to the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
to induce autism in babies. A decade later, a medical journal proofing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concern
was released
which shook the world.
Even though
that journal
was found
out to be fraudulent later,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
believe that detrimental effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
.
As a result
, years later, for the
first
time in 30 years, a case of measles appeared in Spain in an infant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his parents did not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinate
him due to autism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerns
.
Therefore
, the lack of medical knowledge in societies can be harmful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
when they choose not to immunize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and put them to the fatal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infectious
diseases.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
20th century, there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerns
of the adverse effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
did not know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
or their benefits. Even more, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
exist in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, making those countries have difficulties in tackling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with immunizations. By making it obligatory for parents vaccinating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
Moreover
, there will be no more need for health professionals wasting time to convince uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinate
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, the law obligates parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinate
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will lead to more efficient of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infectious
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "diseases'" or "disease's"?
diseases
prevention in children.

In summary, the world need a law to obligate vaccination in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infectious
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "diseases'" or "disease's"?
diseases
prevention can
be achieved
in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinate
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their biased knowledge.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by v. 74

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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