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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.57

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 57
Undoubtedly, money is imperative to spend life as we desire. It is often argued that happiness does not come along with richness. However, I completely disagree with this statement, and I will discuss in this essay that why I posses this opinion. There are countless things that can be purchased with money, which eventually leads to happiness. Firstly, basic necessities that are being fulfilled with cash, is food. It is essential for human survival. For example, in many parts of Africa, there are myriad people who suffer and starve to death because they cannot afford to feed themselves. Secondly, devices such as smart phones that are useful not only for communication but to kill free time as well, and those devices make people happy by allowing them to play games which make them happy. Such devices can only be bought if a person is wealthy. Apart from buying goods, health is also important to stay happy. Although in many countries, residents are provided with free medical insurance, it is not the case in most part of the world. For instance, In Pakistan, people are not given free medical coverage and government hospitals, which are affordable but are not adequately equipped. They often find it difficult to get treatment from private hospitals because these are very expensive. Therefore people prefer to suffer than losing money on treatment. In conclusion, from my perspective, wealth is crucial to stay happy because it does not only make basic necessities and devices affordable, but also make you healthier by getting treated by qualified doctors.
Undoubtedly
, money is imperative to spend life as we desire. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that happiness does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
along with richness.
However
, I completely disagree with this statement, and I will discuss in this essay that why I posses this opinion.

There are countless things that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
with money, which
eventually
leads to happiness.
Firstly
,
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
that are
being fulfilled
with cash, is food. It is essential for human survival.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of Africa, there are myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer and starve to death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford to feed themselves.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as smart phones that are useful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to kill free time
as well
, and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
by allowing them to play games which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
if a person is wealthy.

Apart from buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, health is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, residents
are provided
with free medical insurance, it is not the case in most part of the world.
For instance
, In Pakistan,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free medical coverage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
hospitals, which are affordable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not
adequately
equipped. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
treatment from private hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to suffer than losing money on treatment.

In conclusion
, from my perspective, wealth is crucial to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
affordable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you healthier by getting treated by qualified doctors.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 57

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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