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Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazine or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people. v.1

Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazine or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people. v. 1
In this modern era, it is often seen that common people who are the fans of popular celebrities try to follow them when they watch these famous personalities on TV or in the newspaper and magazines. There are various reasons behind this approach. In my opinion, I believe that it is a good idea, but there are some negatives as well that cannot be overlooked. To embark with, common people consider the eminent personalities as their role models. They get influenced when they watch or read about their success stories and try to imitate the same things in their life to reach to the pinnacle of success. For example, most of the people are huge fans of Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam because they feel motivated and inspired with his life journey starting from a small fisherman to a great scientist. In addition to this, the luxurious lifestyle and the trending fashion of celebrities also fascinates the common people to follow them. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of copying the popular personalities. People, especially the young generation indulges themselves in bad habits of drinking alcohol or taking drugs when they saw their role models doing such things in movies or in public gatherings. For instance, a study by Oxford university has proved that 60% of the young generation gain the habit of consuming alcohol from the stars they follow blindly. Furthermore, people deteriorate their health by taking noxious pills in order to grow muscular bodies like their favourite stars. In conclusion, I assert that although there are numerous benefits of imitating eminent people, there are some drawbacks as well. People should only follow the good things such as principles and values of their role models to achieve success and report victories.
In this modern era, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are the fans of popular celebrities try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities on TV or in the newspaper and magazines. There are various reasons behind this approach. In my opinion, I believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives
as well
that cannot
be overlooked
.

To embark with, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider the eminent personalities as their role models. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or read about their success stories and try to imitate the same things in their life to reach to the pinnacle of success.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are huge fans of Dr. APJ Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel motivated and
If 'inspired with' is passive voice, use "inspired by".
inspired with
his life journey starting from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fisherman to a great scientist.
In addition
to this, the luxurious lifestyle and the trending fashion of celebrities
also
fascinates the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of copying the popular personalities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
the young generation indulges themselves in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits of drinking alcohol or taking drugs when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
their role models doing such things in movies or in public gatherings.
For instance
, a study by Oxford university has proved that 60% of the young generation gain the habit of consuming alcohol from the stars they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
blindly
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deteriorate their health by taking noxious pills in order to grow muscular bodies like their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars.

In conclusion
, I assert that although there are numerous benefits of imitating eminent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things such as principles and values of their role models to achieve success and report victories.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazine or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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