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Nowadays media should include more good news in their publications. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.5

Nowadays media should include more good news in their publications. 5
It is undeniable that mass media play an indispensable role in our daily life. Given this background, there is an opinion that news ought to disseminate more positive information among people worldwide. I disagree with this notion. Loss of awareness and valuable details are the two cardinal reasons which will be analysed in the subsequent paragraphs to endorse my opinion. To begin with, media like TV, Internet are the most popular source of facts, and confining the content of media to good news have significant detrimental impacts on the surroundings. Firstly, crime reporting by media contribute to people's awareness of crime prevention. For example, pick-pocketing in Delhi metro or in crowded place has plummeted considerably. This is because of the reason that the media have made people aware about the crime committing around the world. Hence, people have become more cautious about their belongings in the crowded place. Therefore, if the media shows happy events, perhaps, society might overlook by the incidents happening around them. Secondly, Saturation coverage also covers knowledge about the natural disasters. If press, starts covering positive news, people will lose a valuable information for the survival of natural calamities like earthquake, flood, cyclone. The recent study in Japan, showed that, more than three quarters of the respondents answered that the mass media are the reliable source of information when a disaster hits in 2018. Hence, such details can be missed by the people and can cause severe blunder. To conclude, media is the primary source of communication to broadcast details globally, which could be beneficial for the public. Covering only positive things would adversely impact society in negligence of vital details. Hence, I believe that the press should give priority to important cases that are inclined to the safety of the society rather than focusing on reporting positive events.
It is undeniable that mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
play an indispensable role in our daily life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this background, there is an opinion that news ought to disseminate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
information among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide. I disagree with this notion. Loss of awareness and valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
are the two cardinal reasons which will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in the subsequent paragraphs to endorse my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like TV, Internet
The singular proper name 'Internet' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
the most popular source of facts, and confining the content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news have significant detrimental impacts on the surroundings.
Firstly
, crime reporting by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness of crime prevention.
For example
, pick-pocketing in Delhi metro or in crowded place has plummeted
considerably
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware about the crime committing around the world.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more cautious about their belongings in the crowded place.
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, perhaps, society might overlook by the incidents happening around them.

Secondly
, Saturation coverage
also
covers knowledge about the natural disasters. If
The conjunction "If" requires the past participle "pressed", or did you mean "you press"?
press
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
covering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
news,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lose a valuable information for the survival of natural calamities like earthquake, flood, cyclone. The recent study in Japan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, more than three quarters of the respondents answered that the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are the reliable source of information when a disaster hits in 2018.
Hence
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
can
be missed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and can cause severe blunder.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the primary source of communication to broadcast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
globally, which could be beneficial for the public. Covering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
things would
adversely
impact society in negligence of vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
.
Hence
, I believe that the press should give priority to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cases that
are inclined
to the safety of the society
rather
than focusing on reporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays media should include more good news in their publications. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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