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Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
Many people believe that money is the key to happiness and that the more money you have the happier you become. Other people feel that having a lot of money actually causes more problems than it solves. I believe that as long as people have enough money for basic necessities such as food and a reasonable place to live, a great deal of surplus money tends to make life less rather than more content. There are a several reasons for this. First of all, if you have a great deal of money there is no real reason to go out to work or to strive for anything. Secondly, wealthy people tend to attract the wrong sort of people. After a while, the rich start to believe that the people around them are only after one thing; having a share in their money. This makes rich people distrustful even of those good and loyal people who are their genuine friends. Another result of having plenty of money is the fear of losing it. Rich people start to build high walls around themselves and invest in hi-tech security systems to keep out the rest of the world. They also become snobbish about whom they meet, always frightened that people without money are potential thieves or con artists. For all these reasons I feel that having a great deal of money actually brings the opposite of happiness. It leads people to lose sight of the real sources of happiness, which often come from simple things like family life and friendship. Wealth prevents people from seeing the true value of things, only recognising what they cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key to happiness and that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you have the happier you become. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
actually causes more problems than it solves. I believe that as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as food and a reasonable place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, a great deal of surplus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life less
rather
than more content.

There are a several reasons for this.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if you have a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
there is no real reason to go out to work or to strive for anything.
Secondly
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to attract the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. After a while, the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after one thing;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a share in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
distrustful even of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are their genuine friends.

Another result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the fear of losing it. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to build high walls around themselves and invest in hi-tech security systems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
out the rest of the world. They
also
become snobbish about whom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, always frightened that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are potential thieves or con artists.

For all these reasons I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
actually brings the opposite of happiness. It leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose sight of the real sources of happiness, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from simple things like family life and friendship. Wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from seeing the true value of things,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognising' is British English.
recognising
what they cost.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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