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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.54

: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 54
There is no doubt that obesity is one of the deadly problems in Today’s world. Many kids in urbanized countries are becoming obese due to their wrong eating habits. This is a severe problem for those countries. In this essay, I will discuss both causes and effects of this problem. Many people in the developed countries have no helping hand at home and they need to do all the work by themselves. In such a case, it is a tedious task to cook food at home. In the US, children mostly tend to eat fast food or processed food. For example, many children love eating burgers from McDonalds’ and Pizza from Dominos or even Tim Horton’s. These processed foods have a substance which makes it tasty and helps in gaining weight. In order to avoid such foods, Parents should try and make such foods at home as an alternative to eating outside. In such a way, children will eat healthy and also love the food cooked at home. Nowadays, in the US both parents work to make ends meet. By eating junk food, children tend to fall sick more frequently. For instance, most children in the US are prone to food infection and stomach ache because of the bad eating habits. If children and adults exercise regularly then they can remain fit and healthy. Obesity is one such bad disease; it is very difficult to reduce weight once gained. To summarize, eating healthy and exercising regularly can help reduce obesity. People should start walking instead of using the vehicle for short distances
There is no doubt that obesity is one of the deadly problems in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
kids in urbanized countries are becoming obese due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits. This is a severe problem for those countries. In this essay, I will discuss both causes and effects of this problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have no helping hand at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they need to do all the work by themselves. In such a case, it is a tedious task to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home. In the US,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
tend to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
burgers from
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
’ and Pizza from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dominos
or even Tim Horton’s. These processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have a substance which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it tasty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in gaining weight. In order to avoid such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, Parents should
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at home as an alternative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
outside. In such a way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will eat healthy and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
cooked at home.

Nowadays, in the US both parents work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to fall sick more
frequently
.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the US are prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
infection and stomach ache
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults exercise
regularly
then they can remain fit and healthy.

Obesity is one such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
disease; it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight once gained.
To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy and exercising
regularly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
obesity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
walking
instead
of using the vehicle for short
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
distances
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay : More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 54

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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