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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 3

The problem of obesity stares at our face with more and more children turning out to be overweight from a very young age, especially in prosperous nations. While most people don’t take this as a serious issue until it leads to a medical health condition, it is important to discuss the matter gravely in order to make people aware about the ill-effects which in turn will help avoid obesity. I believe, among other things, the most significant reason for kids gaining a lot of weight is their lifestyle patterns. While being rich is great, it comes with the downside of parents giving enormous pocket money to children, almost like a mechanism to feel less guilty for having busy schedules, where they can’t make time for their kids. Kids on the other hand, splurge on fast food and junk food, binging on burgers and slurping ice creams. The amount of processed food that an average kid ends up eating throughout the day is not funny! For instance, my boss’s child has French fries for breakfast with 3 different types of dips, burgers or fried chicken buckets for lunch – again with a lot of mayonnaise and ketchup and ends his day with a large pizza with more ketchup! His mid-meal snacks include chocolate bars, ice creams, chips and cold drinks. When I was babysitting him for a day, despite making special home-cooked meals that I thought he would enjoy, he ended up ordering food from a fast food joint because he was so used to eating out! As a result of prolonged unhealthy eating habits with no exercise, kids are diagnosed with heart diseases such as diabetes and cholesterol at a surprisingly young age. Although most people switch to a healthier diet after this point, it is too late in the day to reverse the effects. Consequences such as frequent urination, lethargy, feeling tired almost all the time, having to keep a check on sweet consumption etc. are just some of the outcomes of having a heart disease as a result of being overweight. For example, my colleague’s child, an excellent dancer who won quite a few national-level awards for her performances, has now had to give up on pursuing her passion because of the excess weight she has gained over a short period of time. She is no longer able to do the perfect split or even pull through an entire song before collapsing to the ground as if she just ran a marathon. The condition not only affected her physically but also broke her emotionally, shattering her confidence and determination to be the best at what she does. This is especially a problem for wealthy countries where the future of the country - the youngsters are more and more laid back and incapable of driving normal lives. I would like to conclude that children alone are not responsible for being obese. It is the whole family that promotes unhealthy eating habits leading to weight-gain. With little or no exercise, the condition is only going to get worse. Obesity affects both physical and mental well-being of people giving rise to more heart diseases and conditions like anxiety, depression etc. In developed countries, we will soon see entire generations of over weight children inching closer towards an unhealthy, unfulfilling life.

IELTS essay More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.3

The problem of obesity stares at our face with more and more
children
turning out to be overweight from a
very
young age,
especially
in prosperous nations. While most
people
don’t take this as a serious issue until it leads to a medical health
condition
, it is
important
to discuss the matter
gravely
in order to
make
people
aware about the ill-effects which in turn will
help
avoid obesity. I believe, among other things, the most significant reason for
kids
gaining
a lot of
weight is their lifestyle patterns. While being rich is great, it
comes
with the downside of parents giving enormous pocket money to
children
, almost like a mechanism to feel less guilty for having busy schedules, where they can’t
make
time for their
kids
.
Kids
on the other hand
, splurge on
fast
food
and junk
food
, binging on burgers and slurping ice creams. The amount of processed
food
that an average
kid
ends up
eating
throughout the day is not
funny
!
For instance
, my boss’s child has French fries for breakfast with 3
different
types of dips, burgers or fried chicken buckets for lunch
again with
a lot of
mayonnaise and ketchup and ends his day with a large pizza with more ketchup! His mid-meal snacks include chocolate bars, ice creams, chips and
cold
drinks. When I was babysitting him for a day, despite making special home-cooked meals that I
thought
he would enjoy, he ended up ordering
food
from a
fast
food
joint
because
he was
so
used
to
eating
out!
As a result
of prolonged unhealthy
eating
habits with no exercise,
kids
are diagnosed
with heart diseases such as diabetes and cholesterol at a
surprisingly
young age. Although most
people
switch to a healthier diet after this point, it is too late in the day to reverse the effects. Consequences such as frequent urination, lethargy, feeling tired almost all the time, having to
keep
a
check
on sweet consumption etc. are
just
some of the
outcomes of having a heart disease
as a result
of being overweight.
For example
, my colleague’s child, an excellent dancer who won quite a few national-level awards for her performances, has
now
had to give up on pursuing her passion
because
of the excess weight she has gained over a short period of time. She is no longer able to do the perfect split or even pull through an entire song
before
collapsing to the ground as if she
just
ran a marathon. The
condition
not
only
affected
her
physically
but
also
broke her
emotionally
, shattering her confidence and determination to be the best at what she does. This is
especially
a problem for wealthy countries where the future of the country
-
the youngsters are more and more laid back and incapable of driving normal
lives
. I would like
to conclude
that
children
alone are not responsible for being obese. It is the whole family that promotes unhealthy
eating
habits leading to weight-gain. With
little
or no exercise, the
condition
is
only
going to
get
worse. Obesity affects both physical and mental well-being of
people
giving rise to more heart diseases and conditions like anxiety, depression etc. In
developed countries
, we will
soon
see
entire generations of over weight
children
inching closer towards an unhealthy, unfulfilling life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Essay
4 paragraphs
549 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Band score ≥ 7
  • Band score ≤ 6
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