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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.26

: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 26
There is no doubt, that numerous problems exist in most modern countries like an obese. This is a very serious problem for wealthy countries. The probable causes of this serious issue I will describe in my essay. To begin with, the major cause of overweight is fast feed. More and more countries now starting to build up many cafes where the junk snack is sold. Children do not understand that this type of meal is very harmful, and the continue to eat and consume it. For instance, hamburger consists of chemicals, that is not very helpful to our body. Moreover, there are spices that lowers our sense of satiety, and we want to eat it more without a limitation. Furthermore, junk cuisine can cause a serious problem with heart diseases. On the other hand, youth lead a sedentary lifestyle, that is another major reason of causing an obesity. The fact that we cannot escape from the television can be very intrusive and irritating at times. The younger generation is the future of a country. Nevertheless, all countries want a wealthy population in it. In my opinion, all responsibilities on children's parents. Adults should pay a lot of attention to their children, and put them in a big effort. In conclusion, to sum up the only way to solve this problem is to try using solutions which I mention above. Only then, the future of the country will be very wealthy, and the population very healthy.
There is no doubt, that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
exist in most modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an obese
. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The probable causes of this serious issue I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
in my essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major cause of overweight is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
feed. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
starting to build up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
where the junk snack
is sold
. Children do not understand that this type of meal is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful, and
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'continue' is correct. If 'continue' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the continue
to eat and consume it.
For instance
, hamburger consists of chemicals,
that is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to our body.
Moreover
, there are spices that lowers our sense of satiety, and we want to eat it more without a limitation.
Furthermore
, junk cuisine can cause a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with heart diseases.

On the other hand
, youth lead a sedentary lifestyle,
that is
another major reason of causing an obesity. The fact that we cannot escape from the television can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intrusive and irritating at times.

The younger generation is the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Nevertheless
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
want a wealthy population in it. In my opinion, all responsibilities on children's parents. Adults should pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention to their children, and put them in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
effort.

In conclusion
, to sum up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to try using solutions which I mention above.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then, the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wealthy, and the population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay : More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 26

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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