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Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree. 2
It is often argued by some father and mother that the usage of mobiles is detrimental to young person, whereas others believe that it is beneficial. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the former view. On the one hand, it is opined by some parents that cell phones are unsafe for juveniles as it will make them to distract from their studies. In other words, they will be glued with the devices by watching unwanted websites which will consequently impact their education by getting lower scores. In addition, it will indulge them to get into a trap or do some wrong activities by connecting to unknown person as a friend in the social media. For example, a recent survey conducted by the Indian government reports that 80% of crime such as child and women abuse, or rape had occurred because of the networking with illegal contact in the Facebook or Twitter. In my opinion, I agree with the above notion because it is risky for younger ones to use the mobile phones as it will ruin their career at an early age. On the other hand, it is believed by some that it is safe for the children to use because it will be used in the case of emergencies. That is to say that they can call their elders when they met with any accidents or lost in some places. Furthermore, it will help them to learn new things and acquire knowledge with the help of Google software. For instance, in the US, most of the juniors call their parents when they were lost or trapped by someone which will aid them to be saved by the police. However, I do not support this notion as the drawback of the cell phones override its benefits because it will influence them to commit crimes. In conclusion, although it is believed by some that it will secure them from the danger, I reiterate that it is harmful for the minors, which will affect their future growth by disobeying their parents and involving in them in crime activities.
It is
often
argued by
some
father and mother that the usage of mobiles is detrimental to young person, whereas others believe that it is beneficial. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the former view.

On the one hand, it
is opined
by
some
parents that cell phones are unsafe for juveniles as it will
make
them to distract from their studies.
In other words
, they will
be glued
with the devices by watching unwanted websites which will
consequently
impact their education by getting lower scores.
In addition
, it will indulge them to
get
into a trap or do
some
wrong
activities by connecting to unknown person as a friend in the social media.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the Indian
government
reports that 80% of crime such as child and women abuse, or rape had occurred
because
of the networking with illegal contact in the Facebook or Twitter. In my opinion, I
agree
with the above notion
because
it is risky for younger ones to
use
the mobile phones as it will ruin their career at an early age.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
by
some
that it is safe for the children to
use
because
it will be
used
in the case of emergencies.
That is
to say that they can call their elders when they met with any accidents or lost in
some
places.
Furthermore
, it will
help
them to learn new things and acquire knowledge with the
help
of Google software.
For instance
, in the US, most of the juniors call their parents when they
were lost
or trapped by someone which will aid them to
be saved
by the police.
However
, I do not support this notion as the drawback of the cell phones override its benefits
because
it will influence them to commit crimes.

In conclusion
, although it
is believed
by
some
that it will secure them from the
danger
, I reiterate that it is harmful for the minors, which will affect their future growth by disobeying their parents and involving in them in crime activities.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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