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Many people want to have a successful career and a happy family life. What problems are involved in combining a career and family life? How to overcome these problems. v.1

Many people want to have a successful career and a happy family life. What problems are involved in combining a career and family life? How to overcome these problems. v. 1
A prosperous career along with a happy family is desired by many people. Incorporating work with private life can result in inadequate attention either towards the job or the family, and this problem can be solved by drawing up a list of priorities. While trying to balance between professional and private life, people often fail to divide their attention equally. If they give preference to their career over family, personal relationships will suffer, and vice-versa. Furthermore, today's highly competitive job market demands employees to work long hours, and they have to work under pressure to meet the deadline. As a result, workers do not get enough time to spend with family members. Work-related pressure along with the guilt of not giving adequate time to the family is affecting their mental health. For example, according to a journal of psychology, a significant number of employees are suffering from anxiety or depression due to a lack of balance between work and family life. One solution to imbalanced personal and professional life is to decide preferences. Job and family both are an indispensable part for a happy life, so both deserve sufficient attention. people should focus on one point at a time and manage time efficiently. For instance, when people are at home, instead of keeping themselves busy with smartphones or laptops, they should spend quality time with family members. Similarly, during office hours, instead of thinking to bring office works at home, they should focus on their tasks. Not only will this make them more productive, but also help them to complete tasks within time. In conclusion, although many people wish to have a great career and a healthy relationship with the family, imbalance of these two can affect mental health and private life. Efficient time management and giving preferences accordingly can be solutions.
A prosperous career along with a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is desired
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can result in inadequate attention either towards the job or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and this problem can
be solved
by drawing up a list of priorities.

While trying to balance between professional and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fail to divide their attention
equally
. If they give preference to their career over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, personal relationships will suffer, and vice-versa.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
highly
competitive job market demands employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadline.
As a result
, workers do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Work-related pressure along with the guilt of not giving adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is affecting their mental health.
For example
, according to a journal of psychology, a significant number of employees are suffering from anxiety or depression due to a lack of balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.

One solution to imbalanced personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is to decide preferences. Job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
both are an indispensable part for a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
both deserve sufficient attention.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should focus on one point at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
efficiently
.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are at home,
instead
of keeping themselves busy with smartphones or laptops, they should spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Similarly
, during office hours,
instead
of thinking to bring office works at home, they should focus on their tasks. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more productive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to complete tasks within time.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to have a great career and a healthy relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, imbalance of these two can affect mental health and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and giving preferences
accordingly
can be solutions.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people want to have a successful career and a happy family life. What problems are involved in combining a career and family life? How to overcome these problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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