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You should spend 20 minutes on this task. The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make co v.1

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.
Nowadays people argue that the age of retirement should be moved further because the life span of an average human is expanding. Although there are plenty of merits and demerits, I completely agree with the statement and this essay will argue why it should be done. Longer life means a person can work for a long time and due to that he/she can contribute to his/her organization or institute more. If a person had worked for his company for a long time, he or she may have acquired good enough knowledge and experience. Because of that he or she can work much better than a fresher. For example, a study conducted by the University of Alberta shows that a company which has more older people than others, has the highest rate of productivity. Similar to this, if professors/teachers could have worked longer they may have improved our world better than we are today. Only experienced teachers can teach the students very efficiently because they have got adequate experience about how to teach and what to teach to students and their teaching skills have already improved. If these teachers or professors could teach new students with their own tactic, result of those students would improve significantly. For example, a professor named Walter Lewin is the most knowledgeable person and he is 85 years old. He still teaches students online by utilizing YouTube. He uploads his lecture on YouTube so anyone can get benefit from it and those videos have so much potential that some toppers of university claims that they learned everything from his videos. In conclusion, If age of retirement will move further there are lots of advantages for our evolving world this can make human life even better. Despite some drawbacks this is still beneficial to humankind.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the age of retirement should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
further
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the life span of an average human is expanding. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of merits and demerits, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and this essay will argue why it should
be done
.

Longer life means a person can work for a long time and due to that he/she can contribute to his/her organization or institute more. If a person had worked for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for a long time, he or she may have acquired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that he or she can work much better than a fresher.
For example
, a study conducted by the University of Alberta
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which has
Use only "older" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than others, has the highest rate of productivity.

Similar to this, if professors/teachers could have worked longer they may have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our world better than we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
experienced teachers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficiently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
adequate experience about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
and what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. If these teachers or professors could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tactic, result of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
significantly
.
For example
, a professor named Walter Lewin is the most knowledgeable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
he is 85 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. He
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
online by utilizing YouTube. He uploads his lecture on YouTube
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from it and those videos have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much potential that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
toppers of university claims that they learned everything from his videos.

In conclusion
, If age of retirement will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
further
there are lots of advantages for our evolving world this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human life even better. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks this is
still
beneficial to humankind.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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