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The graph below fives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graph below fives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.
The majority of high school graduates seek a university education. Although some universities are private, most of them are for free. However, I consider poor people have more difficulty accessing higher education than those who have money. First of all, it should be said that not everyone has the same preparation. Private schools have better education than most public schools, which gives students with money an advantage some poor students do not have. Additionally, most careers such as medicine or engineering require extra studies in order to pass an admission exam. For instance, institutes or tutors charge as much as AR$ 80. 000 for an admission exam. This sets a huge difference for those who can pay this tuition and those who can not. Furthermore, not all careers are available in public universities. Careers such as International Relationships are only available in universities like San Pablo or UNSTA in Tucumán. Each has an admission exam for which you have to pay an absurd bill. In addition, they charge each student a monthly fee, which is out of reach for everyone who does not have a stable economic situation. Should poor students decide to study any career only available in a private university, it is almost certain they will have to move to another city in search of a more affordable option, or change their mind and study something else. All in all, it appears to me that having cash gives any student a huge advantage when it comes to higher education. This is due to the fact that students with economical benefits have access to extra help and options that otherwise would be hard to obtain.
The majority of high school
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduates from".
graduates
seek a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are private, most of them are for free.
However
, I consider poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more difficulty accessing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have money.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it should
be said
that not everyone has the same preparation. Private schools have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than most public schools, which gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with money an advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have.
Additionally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
such as medicine or engineering require extra studies in order to pass an admission exam.
For instance
, institutes or tutors charge as much as
Possible spelling mistake found.
AR$
80. 000 for an admission exam. This sets a huge difference for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can pay this tuition and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can not.

Furthermore
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
are available in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Careers
such as International Relationships are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
like San Pablo or
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNSTA
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tucumán
. Each has an admission exam for which you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay an absurd bill.
In addition
, they charge each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
a monthly fee, which is out of reach for everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not have a stable economic situation. Should poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide to study any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available in a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, it is almost certain they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another city in search of a more affordable option, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mind and study something else.

All in all, it appears to me that having cash gives any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
a huge advantage when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
benefits have access to extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and options that
otherwise
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to obtain.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The graph below fives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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