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In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v.3

In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v. 3
Those who have long distances to travel to offices and schools may well believe that if apartment blocks built near to commercial and business hubs would greatly reduce both hours wasted and stress. There are though those who favour that central areas should remain surrounded by green areas. My opinion leans strongly with those who hold the latter view. As it is noted some argue that placing apartment buildings near the centre is surely convenient for the commuter. For example, they do not need to take subways or walk far to offices, stores, shops and other places of business. However, but building too many apartments near the city centre makes problems for those in the middle, for instance, given the concentration of roads near to urban areas, both businesses and people will suffer heavy traffic jams during rush hours, which result in creating lengthy delays. Therefore, easily proving hardly the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling. Conversely, viewing this from the perspective of replacing parks and gardens with high-rises means workers will have no places to relax, and the environment deteriorates and in turn for those who work there suffer a detrimental effect on their productivity. Besides, compared with apartments, centrally placed pleasant open spaces creates positive effects on the city’s environment and attitude on those whose employment is situated. In conclusion, replacing gardens and parks with apartments is not the best method to save people’s time travelling to work, it will have a negative effect and harm the city’s environment, those who work in central areas and the outcome is the city being subject to traffic jams increasing time wasting rather than reducing it.
Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have long distances to travel to offices and schools may well believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
blocks built
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
near
to commercial and business hubs would
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
both hours wasted and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. There are though those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should remain surrounded by green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. My opinion leans
strongly
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hold the latter view.

As it
is noted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that placing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
buildings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
near
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
is
surely
convenient for the commuter.
For example
, they do not need to take subways or walk far to offices, stores, shops and other places of business.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
building too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
near
the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
problems for those in the middle,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the concentration of roads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
near
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, both businesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will suffer heavy traffic jams during rush hours, which result in creating lengthy delays.
Therefore
,
easily
proving hardly the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time spent in travelling.

Conversely
, viewing this from the perspective of replacing parks and gardens with high-rises means workers will have no places to relax, and the environment deteriorates and in turn for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work there suffer a detrimental effect on their productivity.
Besides
, compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
,
centrally
placed pleasant open spaces creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the city’s environment and attitude on those whose employment
is situated
.

In conclusion
, replacing gardens and parks with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
is not the best method to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s time travelling to work, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect and harm the city’s environment, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and the outcome is the city being subject to traffic jams increasing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time wasting
rather
than reducing it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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