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you recently changed job and you want to tell a person who you used to work with about your change of job write a letter to that person in your letter describe your new job explain whether you think it was a good idea to change job suggest that you meet a v.1

you recently changed job and you want to tell a person who you used to work with about your change of job write a letter to that person in your letter describe your new job explain whether you think it was a good idea to change job suggest that you meet a v. 1
Fashion industry is rapidly gaining its popularity among youngsters. Nowadays, a majority of people prefer wearing trendy outfits to show their status of being rich, whereas some people completely oppose this idea and believe that it is a wastage of money. This essay agrees with the later viewpoint and will discuss both viewpoints in detail. To begin with, most youngsters believe that wearing the latest fashionable clothes is a sense of satisfaction. That is to say, the famous TV celebrities wearing expensive clothes and shoes have a feeling that their style is unique, which is why they have a huge fan following. Certainly, it is a way to impress others because people always praise unique and beautiful things, instead of commonly available items. Furthermore, due to the development in the technology, it is easy to follow the latest fashion as all the websites have advertisements showing trendy clothes, shoes and jewelry and due to the wide range of options available to choose from, people consider it is a positive development. On the other hand, there are people who opine that following latest fashion has merely a negative impact on the society. This is because, the branded clothes are way more expensive than normal clothes and people spend almost half of their salaries on buying such clothes, resulting in no saving left for the future. As a result, such people would not be able to survive if there are uncertain situations, such as no job or economic crises. In addition, a majority of brands are international and people who prefer purchasing those brands from international market, are actually ignoring their local market, which eventually disturbs the local economy of a country. Lastly, the quality of stylish clothes is not very good in terms of durability and comfort as compared to local clothes. To conclude, although one should stay up to date in terms of latest fashion and trends. However, considering the cost, quality and the impacts of international brands on local market makes me feel that the fashion has more negative effects on the society than positive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
industry is
rapidly
gaining its popularity among youngsters. Nowadays, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer wearing trendy outfits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their status of being rich, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
completely oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that it is a wastage of money. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the later viewpoint and will discuss both viewpoints in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most youngsters believe that wearing the latest fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is a sense of satisfaction.
That is
to say, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
TV celebrities wearing expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and shoes have a feeling that their style is unique, which is why they have a huge fan following.
Certainly
, it is a way to impress others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always praise unique and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
things,
instead
of
commonly
available items.
Furthermore
, due to the development in the technology, it is easy to follow the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
as all the websites have advertisements showing trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, shoes and jewelry and due to the wide range of options available to choose from,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opine that following latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
has
merely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are way more expensive than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend almost half of their salaries on buying such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, resulting in no saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the future.
As a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not be able to survive if there are uncertain situations, such as no job or economic crises.
In addition
, a majority of brands are international and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer purchasing those brands from international market, are actually ignoring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market, which
eventually
disturbs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy of a country.
Lastly
, the quality of stylish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in terms of durability and comfort as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
clothes.

To conclude
, although one should stay up to date in terms of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and trends.
However
, considering the cost, quality and the impacts of international brands on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the society than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay you recently changed job and you want to tell a person who you used to work with about your change of job write a letter to that person in your letter describe your new job explain whether you think it was a good idea to change job suggest that you meet a v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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