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The diagram below shows a neighborhood before and after a mall was constructed. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagram below shows a neighborhood before and after a mall was constructed.
The prevalence of varied kinds of media provides people with more opportunities to access information. Some people believe that to explore information, human can make use of different means from television to the internet while others rest on newspaper reading as the most preferable method. My essay will discuss both ways. First of all, newspapers have, for years, been employed for their comprehensiveness. It is true that through just a number of pages, the world’s most general information is captured from the life of a famous person to the wars happening somewhere in the globe. However, to those people who are avid readers and demand the depth of information, they prefer reading books and real-life interviews through television where they believe the truth can be revealed. We may know, in general, what is occurring, without the detailed analysis and emotional conveyance of writers through the short headlines. Besides, in the market-based economy, the content of several newspapers is central to the provision of hot news about the life of famous people to entice the audience and is likely to be embellished for the sake of profit. Occasionally, no sooner have I purchased a newspaper to read for its appealing headline, for instance, the adultery case of a celebrity than I feel being deceived for its soulless description. It is also claimed that celebrities can use their money to ask writers to present information to their advantage or polish their images, despite their dearth of genuine talent. Second of all, unlike the internet news- reading, which causes eye problems, newspapers might lessen this danger and satisfy busy people with a purpose of quick reading. The truth is that hardly do we see many people nowadays are patient enough to read a thick book full of hundreds of pages. Nevertheless, according to social statistics, those people who are interested in reading the news only through newspapers are less able to foster their active thinking while the experience of reading books, in spite of taking a long time, is greatly conducive to people’s imagination, linguistic and critical thinking growth. Besides, compared with television, it is undeniable that newspapers prove less desirable for its inability to depict news in the most vivid ways with sound and authentic images. Equally important, with the Internet coming along, all pieces of news from the world, rather than being shown through pages, can be wholly compacted into merely one online page and monitored in their own way via a simple click on the window. Surveys have indicated that since the dawn of the Internet, the number of newspaper fans has been on a down spiral, but that of online readers is multiplying amazed on a daily basis. At the same time, the more sources of information we read, the better our understanding about the issue grows, which actually sharpens our thinking. All in all, each kind of media has its own advantages and disadvantages. Apart from newspaper reading, I believe that humans, at present, have successfully harnessed a host of means to continually enrich their knowledge.
The prevalence of varied kinds of media provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with more opportunities to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, human can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means from television to the internet while others rest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
as the most preferable method. My essay will discuss both ways.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
have, for years,
been employed
for their comprehensiveness. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a number of pages, the world’s most general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is captured
from the life of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person to the wars happening somewhere in the globe.
However
, to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are avid readers and demand the depth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books and real-life interviews
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
television where they believe the truth can
be revealed
. We may know,
in general
, what is occurring, without the detailed analysis and emotional conveyance of writers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the short headlines.
Besides
, in the market-based economy, the content of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is central to the provision of hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to entice the audience and is likely to
be embellished
for the sake of profit.
Occasionally
, no sooner have I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
to read for its appealing headline,
for instance
, the adultery case of a celebrity than I feel
being deceived
for its soulless description. It is
also
claimed that celebrities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their money to ask writers to present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to their advantage or polish their images, despite their dearth of genuine talent.

Second of all, unlike the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, which causes eye problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
might lessen this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and satisfy busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a purpose of quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. The truth is that hardly do we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are patient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to read a thick book full of hundreds of pages.
Nevertheless
, according to social statistics, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are less able to foster their active thinking while the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
taking a long time, is
greatly
conducive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
imagination, linguistic and critical thinking growth.
Besides
, compared with television, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
prove less desirable for its inability to depict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the most vivid ways with sound and authentic images.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, with the Internet coming along, all pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the world,
rather
than
being shown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
pages, can be wholly compacted into
merely
one online page and monitored in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way via a simple click on the window. Surveys have indicated that since the dawn of the Internet, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
fans has been on a down spiral,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that of online readers is multiplying amazed on a daily basis. At the same time, the more sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we read, the better our understanding about the issue grows, which actually sharpens our thinking.

All in all, each kind of media has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages. Apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, I believe that humans, at present, have
successfully
harnessed a host of means to
continually
enrich their knowledge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows a neighborhood before and after a mall was constructed.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
508 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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