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Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production andpreservation outweigh the advantages? v.1

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production andpreservation outweigh the advantages? v. 1
Many people are of the opinion that learning how to differentiate between what is right and what is wrong from an early age plays a vital role in the development of children, and in order to fully acquire those skills, punishment is obligatory. From my personal perspective, I agree that learning the distinction is more essential, but rather than punishing the children, a more positive measure should be taken. First and foremost, I believe that learning about the do's and Don’ts from an early stage helps to shape the future lives of the children. Because of children’s immaturity, it is impossible for them to be aware of the rightness of their actions and behaviours. If they did something wrong without being noticed by anybody, they might stand a better chance of falling into the same misstep for the next time they encounter it. Thus, it is of paramount importance for children to be taught about the rights, and adults have to take on this responsibility. However, it appears to me that imparting the children those skills does not necessarily require punishment of any kinds. Once children do something wrong and be punished, they will be discouraged to do anything new and therefore, there are no mistakes to learn from. Instead of applying such negative approach, parents just have to tell them how to tackle the problem properly. In addition, together with parents, teachers should also be accountable for demonstrating that distinction to the children, but similarly, in a very positive manner. For example, if a child fails to complete his homework, the teacher can order him to finish after class. By adopting this method, the child acknowledges his mistake and neither does any chastisement have to be taken. In conclusion, although it is important to educate children about the positive and negative sides of life, I opine that parents should not treat the wrongs with punishment. As failure drives success, it is definitely the mistakes they make that imprinted permanently in the children’s minds and base on their experience, no obstacles in the future may be able to prevent them from achieving success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that learning how to differentiate between what is right and what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
from an early age plays a vital role in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and in order to
fully
acquire those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, punishment is obligatory. From my personal perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that learning the distinction is more essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
than punishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
measure should
be taken
.

First
and foremost, I believe that learning about the
Did you mean the idiom "dos and Don'ts"?
do's and Don’ts
from an early stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to shape the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
immaturity, it is impossible for them to be aware of the rightness of their actions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. If they did something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
without
being noticed
by anybody, they might stand a better chance of falling into the same misstep for the
next
time they encounter it.
Thus
, it is of paramount importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be taught
about the rights, and adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take on this responsibility.

However
, it appears to me that imparting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
does not
necessarily
require punishment of any kinds. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
and
be punished
, they will
be discouraged
to do anything new and
therefore
, there are no mistakes to learn from.
Instead
of applying such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
approach, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them how to tackle the problem
properly
.
In addition
, together with parents, teachers should
also
be accountable for demonstrating that distinction to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
similarly
, in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
manner.
For example
, if a child fails to complete his homework, the teacher can order him to finish after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. By adopting this method, the child acknowledges his mistake and neither does any chastisement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taken
.

In conclusion
, although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of life, I opine that parents should not treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrongs
with punishment. As failure drives success, it is definitely the mistakes they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that imprinted
permanently
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
minds and base on their experience, no obstacles in the future may be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from achieving success.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production andpreservation outweigh the advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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