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You were going to meet Liz, one of your international friends. Unfortunately, your plan have changed and you will not be able to meet at the arranged time. Write an email to inform her that you can not meet on the date, give the reasons and suggest a new v.1

You were going to meet Liz, one of your international friends. Unfortunately, your plan have changed and you will not be able to meet at the arranged time. Write an email to inform her that you can not meet on the date, give the reasons and suggest a new v. 1
Obesity is a medical condition which causes the overweight in children, particularly in western society with an increase in ten fold by 20%. Over Weight can be reduced in youngsters by doing proper exercises, fat loss diet and good sleep. Let us discuss more about this in detail in the following paragraphs. The main factor contributes to the stout personality is inefficient lifestyle and no or less exercise. Kids often have a penchant for junk food and this leads to a plump personality. Take an instance of the survey conducted by the University of British Columbia, kids with a Body Mass Index(BMI) prone to heart diseases. If this trend continues, then definitely fewer people will suffer from serious ailments. Obesity is the main cause of Diabetes and hypertension, Moreover, it has a drastic effect on the child's mental and physical health. However, there are some standard treatment options available to control Obesity. Fatness can be reduced by taking proper diet regime, doing exercises regularly, and playing outdoor games. For instance a study by the Unites States Department of Health found that obesity will be controlled by eating meal in tiny plates rather than in big ones. This is because consuming meal in small plate makes kids eat less. Also, younger people need support from their parents. The conclusion is kids must be refrained from junk foods and incorporating health eating habits makes a nation safer one. Furthermore, government should take measures to impose restrictions on the food industry by imposing hefty fines which have a direct impact on the weight loss.
Obesity is a medical condition which causes the overweight in children,
particularly
in western society with an increase in
The adjective, adverb or verb 'tenfold' needs to be written as one word.
ten fold
by 20%. Over Weight can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in youngsters by doing proper exercises,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
loss diet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sleep.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss more about this in detail in the following paragraphs.

The main factor contributes to the stout personality is inefficient lifestyle and
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
or less exercise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a penchant for junk food and this leads to a plump personality. Take an instance of the survey conducted by the University of British Columbia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with a Body Mass Index(BMI) prone to heart diseases. If this trend continues, then definitely fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will suffer from serious ailments. Obesity is the main cause of Diabetes and hypertension,
Moreover
, it has a drastic effect on the child's mental and physical health.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
standard treatment options available to control Obesity.

Fatness can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by taking proper diet regime, doing exercises
regularly
, and playing outdoor games.
For instance
a study by the Unites States Department of Health found that obesity will
be controlled
by eating meal in tiny plates
rather
than in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ones. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
consuming meal in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
plate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
eat less.
Also
, younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need support from their parents.

The conclusion is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be refrained
from junk foods and incorporating health eating habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a nation safer one.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take measures to impose restrictions on the food industry by imposing hefty fines which have a direct impact on the weight loss.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay You were going to meet Liz, one of your international friends. Unfortunately, your plan have changed and you will not be able to meet at the arranged time. Write an email to inform her that you can not meet on the date, give the reasons and suggest a new v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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