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You need to travel from your home to a place 64 kilometers away. Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose. v.2

You need to travel from your home to a place 64 kilometers away. Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose. v. 2
Some people consider to have a 64 kilometer trip by means of bus, whereas others prefer taking a tip with a car. Even there are some people whose interest is traveling by airplane. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss advantages and disadvantages of the after mentioned choices completely, if the time allows. Firstly, traveling to such a distant places is better by your own car because the trip will be faster and comfortable. In fact, by driving a personal car, one could arrive to that place early which merely will take 1 hour to pass 64 kilometer, while other transportation such as using bus will take more time because individuals should wait for a while until a bus comes that mostly depends on traffic congestion at a road and then they will be able to get on. Additionally, people will be comfortable, if they intend to come back to their home late at night, whereas the bus most of time during at night is not available. They can easily park their car and take a rest and then continue to drive. Therefore, using a personal vehicle is good one because people travel faster and comfortable. However, there is another way to travel which is by airplane. In fact, although airplane is faster than other transportation system, it is much expensive. Individuals will be able to travel ten-fold of this distance at the same time of traveling with bus or even cars. For example, in my last trip to a city of Tehran from Tabriz, it only last up to one hour to arrive there, while in my return to city of Tabriz by means of bus, the amount of time was eight hours, which is wasting a substantial amount of time. However, buying a ticket for an airplane is costly. As I mentioned before paying transportation expense with traveling by bus cost 15 dollars but with traveling by airplane the costs is at minimum 50 dollars. Given disadvantage of being expensive, one should be cautious whether it is worth to pay such a money or not. In conclusion, according to above-mentioned things I would say that having a trip by a car is faster and convenient than traveling by bus. However, taking a journey with airplane is fastest kind of transportation with the disadvantages of being high-priced. I prefer to travel with using my own car rather than airplane for the sake of spending lower amount of money for this travel. If someone wants to take a 64-kilometer journey, s/he should evaluates the both way of transportation including a personal vehicle and an airplane well in order to choose the best one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider to have a 64 kilometer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
by means of bus, whereas others prefer taking a tip with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. Even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose interest is traveling by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss advantages and disadvantages of the after mentioned choices completely, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
.

Firstly
, traveling to such a distant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "place"?
places
is better by your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
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trip
will be
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faster
and comfortable. In fact, by driving a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, one could arrive to that place early which
merely
will take 1 hour to pass 64
Possible agreement error. The noun 'kilometer' seems to be countable, so consider using: "kilometers".
kilometer
, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
such as using bus will take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals should wait for a while until a bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
that
mostly
depends on traffic congestion at a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
road and
then they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on.
Additionally
,
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people
will be comfortable, if they intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their home late at night, whereas the bus most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during at night is not available. They can
easily
park their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and take a rest and then continue to drive.
Therefore
, using a personal vehicle is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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travel
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faster
and comfortable.

However
, there is another way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
which is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
. In fact, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faster
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system, it is much expensive. Individuals will be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
ten-fold of this distance at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
The usual collocation for "traveling" is "by" not "with". Did you mean "traveling by bus"?
traveling with bus
or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
For example
, in my last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to a city of Tehran from Tabriz, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
last up to one hour to arrive there, while in my return to city of Tabriz by means of bus, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was eight hours, which is wasting a substantial amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, buying a ticket for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
is costly. As I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
expense with traveling by bus cost 15 dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with traveling by
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airplane
the costs is at minimum 50 dollars.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
disadvantage of being expensive, one should be cautious whether it is worth to pay such a money or not.

In conclusion
, according to above-mentioned things I would say that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faster
and convenient than traveling by bus.
However
, taking a journey with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fastest".
fastest
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
with the disadvantages of being high-priced. I prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
with using my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
for the sake of spending lower amount of money for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. If someone wants to take a 64-kilometer journey, s/he should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "evaluate"
evaluates
the both way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
including a personal vehicle and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airplane
well in order to choose the best one.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You need to travel from your home to a place 64 kilometers away. Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
443 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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