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You have recently moved to a different house. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter• Explain why you have moved• Describe the new house• Invite your friend to come and visit v.1

You have recently moved to a different house. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter• Explain why you have moved• Describe the new house• Invite your friend to come and visit v. 1
Nowadays, shopping has become a favourite hobby among youngsters. This is mainly due to the availability of marketing platforms and globalisation. Shopping as a hobby has become the latest trend among young people. One of the main reasons for this is the excessive use of marketing techniques. This means, companies are using advertisements to attract customers through various means like television, window displays and social media. For instance, the shops in malls use creative ways to decorate items or mannequins on display, which urge youngsters to purchase. Companies also use the internet to flash their products on pop-up windows, on computer screens. Globalisation is another reason why shopping has become a time-pass among current generation. This means the availability of cheap transport has made it possible for products to be marketed easily. Hence, goods from any country can be ordered online. Although shopping is fun, an excess can cause an addiction among youngsters, and drain their income. Instead, I feel that young people should be encouraged to do alternate activities in their free time. Rather than purchasing unnecessary items, their money can be used for other useful purposes such as learning to play an instrument, doing outdoor activities and going on vacations. By doing this, they get an opportunity to learn new things while having fun at the same time. For instance, a survey conducted by a vocational college showed that the majority of the students had saved money, to enroll for courses, by reducing their shopping expenses. In conclusion, shopping has become a common hobby among young people because of excessive marketing by companies and globalisation. However, youngsters can be encouraged to try alternate hobbies, such as learning music and visiting places, so that they are exposed to new ideas and things.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
among youngsters. This is
mainly
due to the availability of marketing platforms and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.

Shopping as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the latest trend among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. One of the main reasons for this is the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of marketing techniques. This means,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are using advertisements to attract customers through various means like television, window displays and social media.
For instance
, the shops in malls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
creative ways to decorate items or mannequins on display, which urge youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to flash their products on pop-up windows, on computer screens.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a time-pass among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation. This means the availability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
transport has made it possible for products to
be marketed
easily
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from any country can
be ordered
online.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is fun, an excess can cause an addiction among youngsters, and drain their income.
Instead
, I feel that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
to do alternate activities in their free time.
Rather
than purchasing unnecessary items, their money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other useful purposes such as learning to play an instrument, doing outdoor activities and going on vacations. By doing this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to learn new things while having fun at the same time.
For instance
, a survey conducted by a vocational college
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the majority of the students had saved money, to enroll for courses, by reducing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
expenses.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of excessive marketing by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
However
, youngsters can
be encouraged
to try alternate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, such as learning music and visiting places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are exposed
to new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and things.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay You have recently moved to a different house. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter• Explain why you have moved• Describe the new house• Invite your friend to come and visit v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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