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You have recently moved into a new house. You want to tell your friend about your good news. Write to your friend. In the letter: • Describe the house. • Describe the neighbourhood. • Invite your friend to come and see the house. v.1

You have recently moved into a new house. You want to tell your friend about your good news. Write to your friend. In the letter: • Describe the house. • Describe the neighbourhood. • Invite your friend to come and see the house. v. 1
Nowadays, we hear a lot about work-life balance in our society, everyone wants to achieve it, but it is still rare among people to get a balanced life. Factors such as greed and long working hours are the biggest problems associated with it. Although, it can be achieved, by showing a little discipline. First and foremost, current world is driven by money. Most of the human population wants to earn the most they can. In this process, they leave behind their health and family and are always worried. For example, as per the research by the University of Michigan, individual's who spend at least 6 hours a day with family are happier. In contrast, to those who spend a minute less than that. It is because, we are less worried about our finances when enjoying. Also, it creates a healthy environment at home. As a solution, people should try to spend a certain amount of time with their family and lesser importance should be given to money. Another issue that has affected the balance is job culture. In recent times, few of the countries have implemented a law of 40 hours per week for working professional, while most of the countries are still untouched by this. Where professionals still work a minimum of 50 hours a week. For example, in South-East Asia, professional's are burdened with tasks and asked to stay late regularly to finish work. This has been a common trend throughout Asia. A solution to this is, governments should implement bylaw to restrict the working hours of individual's. This would help professional's to improve their health and provide sufficient time to their loved one's. In conclusion, despite money and working culture being the most common factors restricting people to not have a balanced life. In my opinion, a little discipline by oneself and the support from the government can allow people to have a better lifestyle, so they can spend more time with family and friends.
Nowadays, we hear a lot about work-life balance in our society, everyone wants to achieve it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
still
rare among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a balanced life. Factors such as greed and long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are the biggest problems associated with it. Although, it can
be achieved
, by showing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
discipline.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world
is driven
by money. Most of the human population wants to earn the most they can. In this process, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind their health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and are always worried.
For example
, as per the research by the University of Michigan, individual's who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
at least 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are happier.
In contrast
, to those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a minute less than that. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, we are less worried about our finances when enjoying.
Also
, it creates a healthy environment at home. As a solution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and lesser importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to money.

Another issue that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the balance is job culture. In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, few of the countries have implemented a law of 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professional, while most of the countries are
still
untouched by this.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
professionals
still
work a minimum of 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week.
For example
, in South-East Asia,
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
professional's
are burdened
with tasks and asked to stay late
regularly
to finish work. This has been a common trend throughout Asia. A solution to this is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should implement bylaw to restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of individual's. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
professional's to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and provide sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one's.

In conclusion
, despite money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
culture being the most common factors restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to not have a balanced life. In my opinion, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
discipline by oneself and the support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a better lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay You have recently moved into a new house. You want to tell your friend about your good news. Write to your friend. In the letter: • Describe the house. • Describe the neighbourhood. • Invite your friend to come and see the house. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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