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You have met many people throughout your life. Choose one particular person you would call the most unforgettable and describe why he/she is so unforgettable. v.1

You have met many people throughout your life. Choose one particular person you would call the most unforgettable and describe why he/she is so unforgettable. v. 1
Many years ago, I participated in a Sprite commercial shooting, and Jay was the main cast for the commercial. Jay is a top celebrity and a songwriter from Taiwan. His music is not only popular in Taiwan but also in Asia. At that time, I admired him and became one of his fans. Little did I know how this commercial shooting experience would lead Jay to become the most unforgettable person throughout my life. In the summer of 2000, I worked a part-time job at a film production company in Asia. One day, the producer told me that we had a chance to work with Jay Chau for the Sprite commercial. I was extremely excited about this news because I was Jay’s fans. At first, I had a lot of hesitation in working with a celebrity because I think most of the celebrities are arrogant persons. However, the hesitation had gone after I met Jay at the commercial shoot. The commercial was shot in rural China where there was limited access to basic needs, such as food and transportation. The shooting location was even worse. Because of the geographic location, none of our vehicles were able to operate there. As a result, we had to walk up the hill. Despite this chaotic situation, Jay’s altitude and performance were professional and cooperative. Besides, Jay also enjoyed playing his guitar at his break time, and he even invited the whole crew to join his music party, including me. Jay, as a celebrity, shared his joy and music without any reservation with us. He is such a kind, humble, and talented celebrity. He is indeed a music genius. Lastly, Jay’s persistence and determination inspire my future. A few years later, I moved to California and returned to college. Fortunately, I had met Jay once in my life. That experience not only led Jay to become the most unforgettable person in my life but also inspired me in my career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years ago, I participated in a Sprite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
shooting, and Jay was the main cast for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
. Jay is a top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
and a songwriter from Taiwan. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
popular in Taiwan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in Asia. At that time, I admired him and became one of his fans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
did I know how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
shooting experience would lead Jay to become the most unforgettable person throughout my life.

In the summer of 2000, I worked a part-time job at a film production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Asia. One day, the producer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that we had a chance to work with Jay
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chau
for the Sprite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
. I was
extremely
excited about this news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was Jay’s fans. At
first
, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hesitation in working with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are arrogant persons.
However
, the hesitation had gone after I met Jay at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
shoot.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
was shot
in rural China where there
was limited
access to basic needs, such as food and transportation. The shooting location was even worse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the geographic location, none of our vehicles were able to operate there.
As a result
, we had to walk up the hill. Despite this chaotic situation, Jay’s altitude and performance were professional and cooperative.
Besides
, Jay
also
enjoyed playing his guitar at his break time, and he even invited the whole crew to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
party, including me. Jay, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, shared his joy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
without any reservation with us. He is such a kind, humble, and talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. He is
indeed
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genius.

Lastly
, Jay’s persistence and determination inspire my future. A few years later, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to California and returned to college.
Fortunately
, I had met Jay once in my life. That experience not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
led Jay to become the most unforgettable person in my life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
inspired me in my career.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay You have met many people throughout your life. Choose one particular person you would call the most unforgettable and describe why he/she is so unforgettable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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