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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 10
In this day and age where the value of money is consistently increasing, I believe that the poor find it harder to access into university education. Not only do they have to worry about the matriculation fees but also on other necessary expenses entailed in finishing a degree. In contrast, the rich people can easily access university education as they have the financial capacity. Some people believe that there is no such thing as free education. Even if some public universities offer free tuition fees, there are still impending costs throughout the entire period of finishing a degree. This is the common dilemma of the low-income parents when it comes to building a future for their children. It is expected that there will be never ending requirements once you started schooling – from buying books and notebooks to photocopying lectures and printing school reports. Not only that, if the student lives far from his school, he may need to acquire accommodation around the university area. Daily subsistence should also be considered in estimating costs. It is in this context where poor people develop second thoughts in enrolling their children in a university. Poor students who really wanted to advance their education are forced to find a job that would finance their school fees. These students find it challenging for them to study and work at the same time. Instead of only focusing on learning and finishing requirements, they also carry the burden of sustaining themselves. On the other hand, people with better economic status find it easier to get into university. They even have the privilege to choose whatever field of study to pursue. Since they have the financial capacity, they can also choose which university caters to their needs and wants. The only problem that they might encounter during the course of their study is the difficulty of understanding the concepts. However, this may only apply to rich students who are eager to achieve awards and high grades. Thus, I do not agree that both poor and rich find it difficult to access into university. Given the socioeconomic constraints that the poor people have, it can be deduced that accessing university education is definitely harder for them.
In this day and age where the value of money is
consistently
increasing, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it harder to access into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
do they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the matriculation fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on other necessary expenses entailed in finishing a degree.
In contrast
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as they have the financial capacity.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is no such thing as free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offer free tuition fees, there are
still
impending costs throughout the entire period of finishing a degree. This is the common dilemma of the low-income parents when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to building a future for their children. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that there will be never ending requirements once you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
schooling
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
from buying books and notebooks to photocopying lectures and printing school reports. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
that, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
far from his school, he may need to acquire accommodation around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
area. Daily subsistence should
also
be considered
in estimating costs. It is in this context where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop second thoughts in enrolling their children in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
really
wanted to advance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a job that would finance their school fees. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it challenging for them to study and work at the same time.
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
focusing on learning and finishing requirements, they
also
carry the burden of sustaining themselves.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with better economic status
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. They even have the privilege to choose whatever field of study to pursue. Since they have the financial capacity, they can
also
choose which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
caters to their needs and wants. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
problem that they might encounter during the course of their study is the difficulty of understanding the concepts.
However
, this may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
apply to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are eager to achieve awards and high grades.

Thus
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it difficult to access into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the socioeconomic constraints that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, it can
be deduced
that accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is definitely harder for them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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