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Talk about an important phone call that you received You should say who called you where you were at that moment what you were told and explain why you consider it as an important call v.1

Talk about an important phone call that you received You should say who called you where you were at that moment what you were told and explain why you consider it as an important call v. 1
Indeed, spending time on sports regularly, has definite impacts on a person’s life and the whole society, as most of the experts’ researches. But in contrast, some believe that it has just a minor effect on just a person’s body. So, there is no need to try to persuade people to do training by advancing the related facilities. Indeed, trying to extend sport’s facilities make a society’s improvement. The first impact of exercising, no matter what kind of sport it is, is preventing obesity. The obesity not only is harmful for the body as it is known by everyone, but also can cause some disabilities in contrast with a person who is in shape. For example, even for an engineer who works in a site, overweigh make him be slower and inefficient in some situations. Also, it is so common between athletes either professionals, or amateurs to help each other. So, the humanity can be increased among them. For instance, if a person had trained in a gym, even just once, it is observable the sense of helping in there. Even though, it is an individual type of training. Moreover, a person who tries to be in shape by training, have to change his or her lifestyle, and try to eat just enough, and also eat healthier, in order to catch all the minerals and vitamins and avoid gaining fat. So, this means to eat less meats and other products, which directly or indirectly has been polluting the Earth, such as animals which produce greenhouse gases, or the appealing packing of unhealthy supplies to persuade people buy them, or even their remnant that lasts too much to be recycled. Finally, to oppose with those people who do not believe on the great effects of sports and the need of providing facilities to convince people in this lifestyle, it is noticeable that doing sports is neither to just be in shape, nor spending leisure time, it is a lifestyle which persuades whole community to live safer and healthier to prevent other expenses by sustaining their health condition.
Indeed
, spending time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
impacts on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life and the whole society, as most of the experts’ researches.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a minor effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is no need to try to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do training by advancing the related facilities.
Indeed
, trying to extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport’s
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a society’s improvement.

The
first
impact of exercising, no matter what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
it is, is preventing obesity. The obesity not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is harmful for the body as it
is known
by everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disabilities
in contrast
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is in shape.
For example
, even for an engineer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works in a site,
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him be slower and inefficient in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations.

Also
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common between athletes either professionals, or amateurs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the humanity can
be increased
among them.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
had trained in a gym, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
once, it is observable the sense of helping in there.
Even though
, it is an individual type of training.

Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tries to be in shape by training,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
lifestyle, and try to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, and
also
eat healthier, in order to catch all the minerals and vitamins and avoid gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this means to eat
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun meats is countable.
less
meats and other products, which
directly
or
indirectly
has been polluting the Earth, such as animals which produce greenhouse gases, or the appealing packing of unhealthy supplies to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them, or even their remnant that lasts too much to
be recycled
.

Finally
, to oppose with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not believe on the great effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and the need of providing facilities to convince
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this lifestyle, it is noticeable that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is neither to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be in shape, nor spending leisure time, it is a lifestyle which persuades whole community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
safer and healthier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
other expenses by sustaining their health condition.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important phone call that you received You should say who called you where you were at that moment what you were told and explain why you consider it as an important call v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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