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Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. v. 4
People share a different point of view regarding the place for living. While some people consider that living in a house is more beneficial, others prefer to stay in an apartment. This essay will discuss both the positive and negative sides of these accommodation types. On the one hand, no doubt living in a house provides various merits such as spacious space which can be used for various purposes such as garden and children’s playground. People enjoying gardening can cultivate various flowers in the garden, in which it can derive psychological advantage such as calming the tension after a hectic day. Moreover, the vacant space also can be functioned as children playing area. This provides the children with an outdoor playground where they can have physical activity during playtime, and it prevents them from having sedentary behaviour. However, one drawback of occupying a house is an economic factor. In recent decades, house maintenance such as water and electricity repairments has been increasing rapidly especially in the megacity, and this results in an additional economic burden that occupant has to pay. On the other hand, for people living in metropolitan cities such as Jakarta, staying in a flat is a better choice since it gives benefits in terms of financial factor and location. Compared to the house, the apartment price is more affordable. So, many people can afford a comfortable accommodation. Furthermore, many apartments are situated in the downtown area. This makes people can access public places such as school and workplace easily. Consequently, people can lessen their time to back and forth and use the time for another activity such as resting. To sum up, I believe that accommodation preferences are a personal choice, but financial factor and the site should be taken into account when selecting a place for living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
share a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view regarding the place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is more beneficial, others prefer to stay in an apartment. This essay will discuss both the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of these accommodation types.

On the one hand, no doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
provides various merits such as spacious space which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for various purposes such as garden and children’s playground.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
enjoying gardening can cultivate various flowers in the garden, in which it can derive psychological advantage such as calming the tension after a hectic day.
Moreover
, the vacant space
also
can
be functioned
as children playing area. This provides the children with an outdoor playground where they can have physical activity during playtime, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from having sedentary
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
, one drawback of occupying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is an economic factor. In recent decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
maintenance such as water and electricity repairments has been increasing
rapidly
especially
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacity
, and this results in an additional economic burden that occupant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay.

On the other hand
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in metropolitan cities such as Jakarta, staying in a flat is a better choice since it gives benefits in terms of financial factor and location. Compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, the apartment price is more affordable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "comfortable accommodation".
a comfortable accommodation
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
apartments
are situated
in the downtown area.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access public places such as school and workplace
easily
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can lessen their time to back and forth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the time for another activity such as resting.

To sum up, I believe that accommodation preferences are a personal choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
financial factor and the site should
be taken
into account when selecting a place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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