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Describe the most unforgettable success in your life. Explain why this success is unforgettable to you. v.1

Describe the most unforgettable success in your life. Explain why this success is unforgettable to you. v. 1
Schools offer an education that contributes to a child's development and growth, in such a situation, subjects like history to be taught in schools or not has become a sparkling debate. While some think it is crucial to teach past, others, however, argue that STEM subjects should be given priority. This essay will discuss both the points and explain why I believe science and technology should be on top of any other subject. Certainly, those who support educating history argue so for the following factors, firstly, they claim that the culture and traditions of a nation must be carried forward, and the only way to do this is by keeping such subjects alive. The Indian culture, for instance, is flourishing; it is never burnt out since the government supports a branch of history in education and entertainment both. Another reason for supporting is to understand the patterns of human behaviour and consequences, to elaborate, studying kings and their style of ruling countries will enable current authorities refrain from repeating mistakes of the past. Therefore, for those who give importance to cultures and people around, teaching history as a course is justified. Conversely, others, myself included, have two significant reasons to back up the ideology of educating science and technology. The foremost one is to keep children abreast of competition to learn new things to adapt to the speedy changing nature of the present society. Writing code, using tabs and experimenting with new things, for example, will enable a child to survive with peers in the upcoming Artificially Intelligent world. Moreover, organizations hire people with technical knowledge rather than the one who understands history. To prove this argument, research shows that 80% of employed personals are specialized in either science or technological fields. Hence, it is clear that these subjects are essential for survival. Overall, while it is important to understand our past, to be competent and keep up with society is always better to look forward to. Consuming the knowledge that will benefit the most to earn and live a standard life instead of focusing on outdated courses is required.
Schools offer an education that contributes to a child's development and growth, in such a situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to
be taught
in schools or not has become a sparkling debate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is crucial to teach past, others,
however
, argue that STEM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority. This essay will discuss both the points and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe science and technology should be on top of any other subject.

Certainly
, those who support educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
argue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for the following factors,
firstly
, they claim that the culture and traditions of a nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be carried
forward, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to do this is by keeping such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
alive. The Indian culture,
for instance
, is flourishing; it is never burnt out since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supports a branch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in education and entertainment both. Another reason for supporting is to understand the patterns of human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and consequences, to elaborate, studying kings and their style of ruling countries will enable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
authorities refrain from repeating mistakes of the past.
Therefore
, for those who give importance to cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as a course
is justified
.

Conversely
, others, myself included, have two significant reasons to back up the ideology of educating science and technology. The foremost one is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
children abreast of competition to learn new things to adapt to the speedy changing nature of the present society. Writing code, using tabs and experimenting with new things,
for example
, will enable a child to survive with peers in the upcoming
Artificially
Intelligent world.
Moreover
, organizations hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with technical knowledge
rather
than the one who understands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. To prove this argument, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 80% of employed personals
are specialized
in either science or technological fields.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are essential for survival.

Overall
, while it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand our past, to be competent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with society is always better to look forward to. Consuming the knowledge that will benefit the most to earn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a standard life
instead
of focusing on outdated courses
is required
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Describe the most unforgettable success in your life. Explain why this success is unforgettable to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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