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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.26

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 26
There is myriad of museums which required admission fee for visiting, but that is not the same case for other institutions. As far as I am concerned, the upsides of entrance fee eclipsed by its downsides in the sense that the admission rates may decline. The main benefit of admission fee is that the income can used for daily operation. It is crucial to protect the valued assets inside the museums. For example, the temperature and humidity of the museum may directly affect the collection. It is important to maintain the favourable temperature for art storage as the high temperature can shrink the artworks. In addition, a lot of museums conduct exhibitions at times, and this could not have been done without a sum of money to hire professionals and to buy equipment. The Hong Kong Science Museum, for instance, has monthly exhibitions on different themes and professionals are employed for the introduction and exhibition layout. This example amplifies how the admission fee is beneficial for the museum daily operation. Granted, an entrance fee may have the positive effect on museum operation, but the admission figures may have a negative effect because of such charges. Take parents as example, visiting museum would be one of their most frequent leisure activities as the museum serves an educational role. However, more and more educational parks have sprung up in the past couple of years and even free of charges. For example, the Kowloon walled city park in Hong Kong is preserves a number of historical buildings for visitors to explore the classical Chinese culture. In that case, parents may have additional choices reconsidering the venues for experiencing the historical contexts other than history museum. To sum up, the disadvantage of an entrance fee is overshadowed by the benefits accruing from a stable income. Therefore, having weighted up the pros and cons, I am convinced that museums should charge an admission fee for the sake of daily operation.
There is myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for visiting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
not the same case for other institutions. As far as I
am concerned
, the upsides of entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
eclipsed by its downsides in the sense that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
rates may decline.

The main benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is that the income can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for daily operation. It is crucial to protect the valued assets inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, the temperature and humidity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
may
directly
affect the collection. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
temperature for art storage as the high temperature can shrink the artworks.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
conduct exhibitions at times, and this could not have
been done
without a sum of money to hire professionals and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
equipment. The Hong Kong Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
,
for instance
, has monthly exhibitions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
themes and professionals
are employed
for the introduction and exhibition layout. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
amplifies how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
daily operation.

Granted, an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
may have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
operation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
figures may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such charges. Take parents as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
would be one of their most frequent leisure activities as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
serves an educational role.
However
, more and more educational parks have sprung up in the past couple of years and even free of charges. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, the Kowloon walled city park in Hong Kong is preserves a number of historical buildings for visitors to explore the classical Chinese culture.
In that case
, parents may have additional choices reconsidering the venues for experiencing the historical contexts other than history museum.

To sum up, the disadvantage of an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is overshadowed
by the benefits accruing from a stable income.
Therefore
, having weighted up the pros and cons, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should charge an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for the sake of daily operation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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