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You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. Write a letter to the website. In the letter: introduce yourselfexplain the situationstate what action you want to be taken v.1

You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. Write a letter to the website. In the letter: introduce yourselfexplain the situationstate what action you want to be taken v. 1
There is no doubt that online shopping is in the trend. If the e-shopping keep expanding at a present rate, there will be no market left for the offline shoppers. The proliferation of e-commerce websites all over the world has raised the question for the shop vendors. I completely agree with this statement and explain my views with examples. Firstly, the internet has been reached to every part of the world because of advancement in the technology, with the growth of internet users, the numerous online shopping websites came in an existence. For example, Amazon was limited to America till 2014, but with the widespread of the connectivity, it has been now operated in more than 100 countries. Moreover, competition among the providers lead to great discount offers, which are head turners for the buyers, and these discounts made offline vendor business difficult with such fewer profit margins. Shops in towns and cities require a substantial investment, for infrastructure, whereas e-shops would not require any physical property. Secondly, online shopping saves the consumer time and money. At present, people do not have to plan for shopping only at weekends or at leisure time. The internet made the shopping possibly just at your fingertips with the help of smartphones. Moreover, easy return policies lure the audience to buy online, and if buyers are not happy with the purchase, they can return the product without been asked any question. However, in the offline shopping scenario, the customers have to undergo a complicated procedure of question and answers asked by the shopkeeper. To conclude, the e-commerce website is the new future of shopping, and in my opinion, this trend will increase with the passage of the time. Additionally, the trend is in favour of buyers by providing quality service at their doorsteps.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is in the trend. If the e-shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
expanding at a present rate, there will be no market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the offline shoppers. The proliferation of e-commerce websites all over the world has raised the question for the shop vendors. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views with examples.

Firstly
, the internet has
been reached
to every part of the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advancement in the technology, with the growth of internet users, the numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites came in an existence.
For example
, Amazon
was limited
to America till 2014,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
The phrase 'the widespread of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the widespread of
the connectivity, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
operated in more than 100 countries.
Moreover
, competition among the providers lead to great discount offers, which are head turners for the buyers, and these discounts made offline vendor business difficult with such fewer profit margins. Shops in towns and cities require a substantial investment, for infrastructure, whereas e-shops would not require any physical property.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
saves the consumer time and money. At present,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at weekends or at leisure time. The internet made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
at your fingertips with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of smartphones.
Moreover
, easy return policies lure the audience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, and if buyers are not happy with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, they can return the product without
been asked
any question.
However
, in the offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
scenario, the customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo a complicated procedure of question and answers asked by the shopkeeper.

To conclude
, the e-commerce website is the new future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, and in my opinion, this trend will increase with the passage of the time.
Additionally
, the trend is in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of buyers by providing quality service at their doorsteps.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. Write a letter to the website. In the letter: introduce yourselfexplain the situationstate what action you want to be taken v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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